Farewell to Roxy

Silence really can say a lot. Every time I open the front door, the sounds of Roxy not being at home speaks volumes to how much she is missed. Though Roxy never uttered a single word, except if you count ‘Ruff’ she clearly had a strong presence in the house, because it sure is quiet without her.

When I said “I do,” last September and committed to a life spent with Jessica, I knew my life would be blessed in many ways. I never expected her dog, Roxy, to be one of the blessings. They were a packaged deal and I was willing to tolerate being a first time dog owner in order to get the main prize (Jessica). They both proved themselves to be very rewarding. My time with Roxy was to brief, but her impact on my life will last forever.

“It’s just a dog,” that’s what I used to say about the four-legged furry creatures. I felt that they weren’t worth much emotional attachment…I was wrong. I’ve lost grandparents, aunts, uncles and other loved ones, but Roxy’s death hit hardest of all. Why? After all, she was just a dog. I have come to realize it hurts so much, because Roxy was a part of me. We were together every day. She was largely dependent on me, but I never realized how much I relied on her. From her absence I’ve learned how much a part of my daily life she was. For the majority of the time it was just me and her at home so I would talk to her. Probably the only female who never told me I was wrong! Our conversations were brief, and usually pretty one-sided. It’s not often that I’m the bigger talker. She’d usually listen though and sometimes tilt her head as her ears perked up, or at least one of them. Roxy would follow me into the kitchen, in hopes I would drop something (I usually did). Now I have to actually sweep the floor. She kept track of where I was in the house, especially if near the back door. The first thing I did every morning, before even having my juice was let her outside. It was always the same routine, she would walk the perimeter of the yard, sniff around under the shed, and then do her business. She gave me an added purpose and responsibility for each day.

In addition, Roxy was just not part of me, but more importantly was a part of us (Jessica & I). Throughout our entire relationship, Jessica had Roxy. Them together is all I have ever know. When I first started visiting Jessica, while she lived in Indiana, I was afraid of Roxy. Her bark did sound ferocious, but she was really a softie. Our time together has always included Roxy. She made us a family.

After suffering through different health issues all summer, and losing twenty pounds, it was finally discovered last week that Roxy had a massive tumor in her stomach. Cancer is devastating to dogs and humans. There was really only one option, which  is extremely difficult to face. The vet said, we would know when we were ready. I didn’t believe her, I couldn’t ever imagine being ready to have our beloved pet put to death. Once again, I was wrong…I guess in her own way Roxy did tell me I was wrong. That night, she cried all night long. Wouldn’t eat a bite of anything. Her breathing was labored. Roxy was ready to be put at peace…we knew.

While I’ve never given anyone any Driver’s Ed lessons, I believe that taking your dog (pet) to the vet for the final time has to be one of the hardest rides to ever endure. Life can certainly be cruel sometimes. Roxy certainly didn’t deserve such a fate, and neither did we. Just like every proud parent says of their child, every dog owner thinks their dog is the best. Jessica and I are no different, Roxy really was a great dog. She made it so easy for me to become a dog person. All she ever wanted was a little love and attention…doesn’t everybody? I just wish we could have had more time together.

A valuable lesson I learned from Roxy, other than how to pick up her droppings with a paper bag, is that life is precious. Make the most of your time with loved ones because you never know how long you have. I never thought I’d only have a year with Roxy, I wish I could walk with her one more time. I can’t get the day’s back when I thought the weather wasn’t right or I just didn’t feel like exerting the energy. Don’t make excuses. Spend the time with your loved ones, whether two legged or four, as there is nothing else more important.

Though not with a collar, Roxy will continue to walk with me through life, as she marked her spot by leaving a paw print in my heart.