Shopping is Hard

There’s no wonder that shopping is mostly a woman’s sport, it’s because they are nearly impossible to buy for. That became very clear to me this Christmas, when the Mrs started asking for the receipt before she finished opening each gift. The worst part is, I really thought she would love everything. I had spent hours, or at least minutes, searching for the perfect gift.

It’s often said this time of year that, ‘Giving is better than receiving.’ That must have originated from a wife whose husband shopped for her. To be fair, it’s not all the fault of men, as we wouldn’t dare try and buy our bride clothes. She doesn’t even trust my fashion sense enough to buy clothes for myself. Plus, kitchen appliances are frowned upon as gifts. A toaster doesn’t send the right message, neither does an iron. Women always enjoy getting flowers, but I wrapped a bouquet last year, but they were all dead by Christmas morning when she opened it.

An item from her list was nail polish, seems simple enough…wrong! There is not only 50 shades of grey, but of every other color too. Trying to find a plain red gave me a headache worse than when I smell nail polish remover. The shade of red I picked was to crimson, whatever that means. Plus I only got one bottle, instead of getting two, which would have allowed me to get a third for half price or up to five for 60% off if I had used a coupon. A person almost needs a degree in accounting to understand all the percentages that can be saved. I failed Algebra 101, two times, so the only percentage I understand is 100% (not because it’s what I got on my tests). Unfortunately, I tend to always pay 100% of the sales price.

Another gift the wife asked for was some towels for the bathroom. Again, color choice proved to be my downfall. I selected some puffy, exceptionally absorbent 100% cotton green towels. She hadn’t even felt their softness before saying, “Green? Green? What color is our bathroom?” I had to stop and think for a minute, my focus is usually on my aim or whatever I’m reading while in the bathroom, not on the walls. “Did you think green would go with blue?”…..I’m still trying to figure out the problem.

She had also requested a ‘hot nuts’ scented candle. I got some strange looks when I said, “My wife loves the smell of hot nuts.” One clerk suggested a 50 Shades of Grey candle, as being the closest thing, but I declined. There was nothing that really even resembled hot nuts, so I just got her a jar of peanut butter and offered to microwave it instead of lighting a candle to create the aroma. In hindsight, the 50 Shades candle would have been a better idea.

It’s the thought that counts, right? Even if the thoughts are rather misguided. Next year I think I’ll play it safe and just get gift cards or at least remember to save the receipts