Finding the Perfect Name

  

The name can be everything, who wants to eat at a restaurant called the Poo Palace or live in Ding Dong, Texas? If the original plan to use ‘Mine and Yours’ as the title, instead of ‘The Brady Bunch’ it may not have reached such an iconic status. We as humans are identified by our names from birth to death, and can be the difference between public acceptance and abandonment. It’s the parent’s responsibility to present their child with a name that will serve them well.

I don’t know when the trend of coming up with more modern names started rather than the standards like; Tom, Dick and Harry or Betty, Sue, or Carol. Just like with everything else, there has to be a variety of options to choose from. I can barely decide on what flavor of potato chip to buy, not to mention name a child.

It’s important that it be a name that won’t easily be made fun of, as Woody is already enough to deal with.  That’s two strikes against Harry. An effort is also being made to not share a name with anyone else in the family. We don’t want to copy and everyone deserves their own identity, plus gossip is made easier when you don’t have to decipher which Al or Alice is being talked about. Juniors or II’s etc. are different, but we aren’t going that route. The larger the family, the harder it is to find an original name.

Maybe it’s a sign that I'm too big of a couch potato, but a number of names makes me think of television characters. Hayden brings me back to the days of ‘Coach.’ Actually Luther was my favorite from that show and is more deserving of my firstborn to be named after. Or perhaps Dauber. There’s no Dauber’s in the family. If it’s a girl, Penny or Bernadette are worthy of consideration, but I’d expect her first word to be…Bazinga! The world of television unleashes a whole host of names; Barney, Opie, Kramer (Cosmo), Chandler, Frasier, Piper, Skyler, Phoebe, Kalinda and Cersei. (How many shows did you guess?) There’s big hopes for this child, so to name it after a legend seems fitting. However the suggestions of Bert, Ernie, and Oscar just earned me a look that told me how to get somewhere, and it wasn’t Sesame Street. Maybe I should have started with Kermit.

Since television didn’t work, I turned to a U.S map for further inspiration. There’s one spot that Jessica has vacationed many times and holds a special place in her heart. Therefore, how touching would it be to name it Myrtle after Myrtle Beach. Only it makes the baby instantly sound like a senior citizen. Is there anyone under 80 named Myrtle? There’s also Anderson, which is where Jessica was living when we started dating, but Anderson Cooper is on CNN and we are a Fox News household. Greta? That might work. Reminds me of the O.J Trial though, as Greta Van Susteren got her start by covering it. Speaking of the O.J Trial. Kato is another name that comes to mind. The map ended up taking me in a direction we don’t want to go.

Finally, it struck me, the perfect name…June, after the month it all started. Only the child would be scarred when old enough to ask where her name came from.

Whether it’s a boy or a girl, I don’t know what its name will be, but it will be its very own.

 

The Other Side of Joy

For every winner…there’s a loser and for every joyous celebration… there’s a pity party. The thrill of victory is much sweeter if the sorrows of defeat have previously been experienced.  While currently relishing in the joys of my child’s upcoming birth, I’m also mindful of those whose pregnancy tests always came back negative. Though the response from everyone has been very positive, I’m certain that behind some smiles is heartache.

“So, when are you going to have kids?’ Is traditionally the first question asked of newlyweds, if they haven’t started early. I believe we were asked before we even had our first dance. Our bed wasn’t even put together yet. With each passing month the question becomes more and more frequent. By year two of marriage and still no stroller in sight the cashier at the grocery began to ask it. I don’t rush anything, it takes me an hour and a half to watch ’60 Minutes.’ Besides, getting pregnant isn’t like turning gray, it doesn’t happen automatically as soon as you say ‘I do.’ I won’t go into detail, or draw any pictures, but certain steps have to be taken. Even then, if the directions are properly followed, there’s still no guarantees.

While some women seemingly get pregnant just by having an impure thought others struggle with fertility. It can be extremely frustrating to repeatedly try to procreate and always be unsuccessful. Meanwhile, seemingly every female you ever went to school with, know from work, related to etc. is pregnant. On Facebook there’s suddenly more pregnancy announcements than recipes. Each one a reminder of a blessing being denied.

Television is not even an escape as babies are the number one tool used for breathing new life into sitcoms that are growing old. A show about the biggest geeks possible, ‘The Big Bang Theory’ even has a pregnancy in it. When watching old reruns of the ‘Golden Girls’ I kept expecting Blanche to have a big surprise.

The amount of unfit, (undeserving) or at least irresponsible, mothers also become more apparent. Everywhere you go whether it’s to a movie, restaurant, mall, or anywhere there is a mother with no control of her three young children, is on food stamps and without car, yet pregnant with a fourth. How? Why? Why do others get more babies than they can handle while some can’t have any?

Then on the news is horrendous stories of parents who commit unthinkable crimes against their children, including taking their young and innocent lives. It’s not fair, especially when there’s other homes in which the children would be deeply loved and cared for.

It’s truly meant to be an innocent question, and is asked because babies typically equals joy, nobody ever asks with malicious intent. I’ve been guilty of it myself, and I even try not to talk to people most of the time. However, being asked ‘when are you going to have kids?’ during that certain time of the month and after just learning that your single co-worker accidently got pregnant on a one-night stand, can really sting. I have learned not to ask, as it can be a very personal question that runs deeper that we could ever imagine. Play it safe and talk about the weather instead.

For those on the other side of the joyous baby announcements, I just wanted to express that I’m mindful of your hurt. I know that it doesn’t always get recognized. There’s also no words I can say to help, but don’t give up on the miracle.

As for me, I’m sure it won’t be long after the first is born, before the question becomes…’when are you going to have the second?’

Labor Pains from 'THE' Post

I don’t know what it feels like to carry a baby inside of you for nine months, but I do know the pain involved from waiting for twelve weeks to publicly announce the pregnancy on Facebook. I imagine there’s not much difference between the two. The stress involved from waiting caused me to eat a lot, even have a craving for pickles, and I gained a few pounds. There are many challenges ahead with being new parents, and among the first was making the perfect Facebook announcement at exactly the right time.

While Facebook is a blessing overall, it can also provide some hurdles. Before the days of Facebook, about 10 years ago, it was much simpler times in which to share big news with your family and closest friends. Now with Facebook, those mere acquaintances whom you hardly know have to be considered too. It’s against the unwritten book of ethics to let those closest to you, find out about life’s most monumental events on social media, so they must be alerted first before any post is made. However, if you tell them too early, the longer they must keep the secret…tell them not soon enough, and they feel rejected. It’s a difficult dilemma.

As an active Facebook user, I typically post as soon as I buy a new flavored Pop Tart (the Orange Crush ones are really good) or have any new thought pass through my head, so imagine my eagerness to tell about the pregnancy. Let’s face it, with my looks and skill-set, the major announcements I’ll ever make are severely limited. I’ve already posted about a perfect grilled cheese I made once, and I’m not ever getting married again, so all I have left is the news I’m going to be a daddy. Then at least in a few more years I can post the first day of school pictures! I was ready to post before the pee was dried off test stick, but that’s against protocol.

Apparently twelve weeks is the standard time to wait before posting about the pregnancy on Facebook. Twelve weeks??? That’s longer than some jail sentences. I certainly understand why, but that didn’t make it any easier. Plus the amount of people who knew slowly began to rise, so the pressure mounted that the privilege to make the news public on Facebook would be taken away. The opportunity to make ‘THE’ post would be lost. It wouldn’t even have to be intentional, all it would take was one brief lapse of good judgement or memory (after having one too many margaritas with dinner) for Aunt (insert name here) to innocently make a comment referring to the baby and then the guy who sat next to you in sixth grade Math class, knows before your boss at work, and the whole chain of demand is broken. I found myself censoring my posts to try and lessen the chances of such an accident, the other day I wanted to say how Rose (the dog) never lets me sleep in, even on weekends. But I was afraid someone would comment about how I better be getting used it, or something along those lines. I was really hoping that a member of my family wouldn’t ruin it, so the consequences wouldn’t be as personal. Talk about labor pains!

Thankfully there was no such incident and after the twelve week doctor appointment, and speeding home… ‘THE’ post was made, then of course the next day I realized that due to Jessica’s Facebook settings that it only went out to her ‘Friends.’ So I had to wait twelve weeks and one day! Am already counting down till the baby’s first picture is posted, am sure I’ll be told the standard amount of time to wait before doing so…nobody better do it first!

Side note: I assume that those reading this, saw ‘THE’ post, of the Mickey Mouse ears in front of the castle at Disney. It turned out great, but it’s the picture that almost wasn’t. The idea was found a few weeks prior to our California trip, after the pregnancy was confirmed. At Disney, we finally decide to stage the picture, after getting the hat (ears) and are told we have two minutes before that area of the park is going to be closed due to a parade. If we were just a little later, we wouldn’t have been able to get a picture with the castle in the background.