The Crappy Side of Parenting

To say my first few weeks of being a father have been crappy (or another word similar in meaning) would be totally inaccurate, yet with just a shred of truth. While being a parent is a tremendous joy, it comes with a lot of dirty diapers and Adelyn seems to possess the gift of unleashing her bowels right when I’m in the act of changing her. Turkeys may not be able to fly, but trust me, an infant’s poop can go a great distance in the air.

Apparently in order to be a parent, I must change an occasional diaper myself. Despite the amount of time that Adelyn spends drinking, she seems to poop much more than she pees. Or at least she puts them together as a combo. I have learned my lesson though, if it just pee, stand back because an eruption is near. If I didn’t know any better, I’d suspect that my sweet little girl knows when I’m changing her and intentionally unloads on me. It’s payback for not carrying her inside of me for nine months. It’s not been just once, or even twice, but at least three times that the floodgates have been open upon me.

It never fails, I think I’ve lucked out and got just a light load that she dumped, and I begin to wipe her off…BOOM! It happens so fast, there’s no time to react…and IT is everywhere. I have learned not to wear white while changing her, as it will get stained. The nearby décor isn’t even safe, as I’ve had to clean up picture frames (up to five feet away) and wash off the walls afterwards. My nickname for her should be Cannon, and she hasn’t even had any Mexican food yet. Meanwhile, she lies there with a grin. Thankfully the discharge has so far avoided my mouth, but be suspicious of any new freckles that may appear on my face.

The amount of laundry doubles from when I change her, as I never think to get her clothes out of the way. One night we went through all of her nighties and wraps. Plus, an equal amount of my pajamas gets dirty. Adalyn is going to need a whole second wardrobe for when I’m with her all day after Jessica goes back to work.

I am trying to help alleviate the problem, as I have started reading Adalyn a book as soon as I get her on the changing table. It gives her some extra time to try and get it all out.

The crappy times go beyond just diaper changing, as yesterday I held Adalyn for an hour or more, which I thought was a time of bonding. When I handed her off, I noticed a big wet spot on my T-shirt. I figured it was sweat, but Jessica instantly smelled something. It wasn’t sweat. It was more than her diaper could hold and it overflowed, right onto me….more laundry.

The positives of parenting far outweighs this little negative though, besides IT happens, especially when it’s time for me to change her.

Honoring Uncle Bill's 90 Years

 

I could tell stories about Uncle Bill for hours, but since we are at a church and because he’s sitting right here, you have to get the short version. Uncle Bill was born in Virginia in 1927. He was the first of 13. After having a child like Uncle Bill, who else wouldn’t want twelve more? Despite all the efforts though, Bill Woody is certainly one of a kind.

With so many younger siblings, including the four sisters that came after him, Uncle Bill had to grow up fast. He was a big help to his mother with the chores and helping with all the kids. When Uncle Bill was in high school, the Woody family moved from Lima to Mad River Township, now known as Riverside, to build a home. During the construction, Uncle Bill was in charge of the tent that he hand his brothers slept in. Maybe it’s all the time he spent camping that made Uncle Bill so comfortable with going to the bathroom outside. I was at least a teenager before I saw him go to an indoor bathroom. It’s fitting that his bladder was trained to be strong during the winter months. At Grandma Woody’s though, we all knew what it meant when Uncle Bill would go down the steps, that were outside, which went to the basement.

There’s many one word answers that could be used to describe, Uncle Bill, but it would be hard to find one that is any more fitting than patriot. I think it’s safe to say that he loves this country more than anyone I know and is always the first to stand-up and salute whenever an American flag passes by. At the young age of 17, Uncle Bill joined the merchant marines and served in World War 2.

It all goes largely unnoticed, but Uncle Bill has made many contributions to Riverside. After returning home from the war, he noticed a lot of young boys in town, whose parents worked at the base. To keep them occupied and off the streets, Uncle Bill formed the Boy’s Club, which had over 100 members. He started baseball and basketball teams, as well as boxing matches on Saturday nights, which people bought tickets for. On Saturday mornings the boys would have a paper drive and the money raised was used for sporting equipment. The boys club made a positive impact on the lives of many young men, and also prepared them to succeed in high school sports. He then built the Yorktown Apartments and was in charge of their maintenance for several years. Uncle Bill also once ran for mayor in Riverside, and for him not winning, I blame the Russians.

After a day of work on one hot summer day, Uncle Bill stopped into a bar and ordered a burger. Meaning a burger beer, but the young waitress brought him a big, juicy hamburger. Uncle Bill decided that anyone that sweet needed to be his wife. They were married soon after. Imagine how many lives would have been different if Uncle Bill had just asked for a water that day.

While the Royal Wedding of Princess Diana is widely regarded as the Wedding of the Century, that title really belongs to the ceremony of Uncle Bill and Peg. It was simple, yet extreme. There weren’t many guests because everyone was in it. No son or daughter,brother, sister, niece or nephew, friend or neighbor was left out. It took so long for all of the bridal party to walk down the aisle, Uncle Bill had to step outside and find a tree for when nature called…twice. It was a wedding like no other, including the presentation of rings on a diaper pin.

Years later, Uncle Bill would work as a maintenance man at the Widow’s Home. It ended up being a job with great benefits, as its where he met Geraldine, who was also on staff there. Ends up that Geraldine would spend the next twenty plus years doing maintenance on Uncle Bill. She has done wonders.

Before going in to work at the widow’s home, Uncle Bill would stop by Grandma Woody’s house every morning to make her coffee, pour her juice, and get her pills ready. Some mornings were tough, as Grandma Woody occasionally expressed her thanks in unusual ways, but Uncle Bill always came through. By living right next door, he kept a really close eye on his mother, and was a willing servant. She would not have been able to be on her own without him.

Let’s be honest, one reason we are all so proudly celebrating your 90^th birthday is we’re thinking, if you can live 90 years, we have nothing to worry about. Uncle Bill hasn’t exactly followed the recommended guidelines for a healthy lifestyle, other than getting plenty of sleep. I believe you’ve had more weddings than doctor appointments, not counting trips to the vet. For whatever has ailed uncle Bill, the cure has been found in a can, or maybe six or nine cans of B12, also known as Millers. None of that lite stuff, but only the premium Millers. Unlike most other medications waiting four to six hours between doses isn’t required with Millers nor is reading the side of the can for possible side effects. There also isn’t a limit on how many you can have in a 24 hour period.

Uncle Bill was also a very talented fiddle player, I remember one particular New Years Eve back in the early 80’s when he put on a little concert. Another interesting fact, about Uncle Bill he received his high school diploma about 15 years ago. Much of the family went to Lima for the ceremony and as customary when going anywhere an hour away, they stopped to eat. The waitress asked if it was a special occasion, and Harm said, ‘we are going to my brothers high school graduation. He’s a little slow.’ She didn’t know what to think. Uncle Bill decided against college, but he is a big fan of Ohio State and never misses watching a game, though he might fall asleep if it’s on past 8:00.

Uncle Bill is a man who has never lived beyond his means, or gotten above his raisings. I admire that he has never prided himself on material things or social status, but its only love for others that matter. His home is small and simple, yet a mansion because its filled with love. He need not eat at five star restaurants with cloth napkins and menu items that can’t be pronounced, but places like Frisch’s is good enough because his nourishment comes from just being with others. Uncle Bill doesn’t need the newest modeled car with all the hi-tech accessories, not just because he can’t drive over bridges, but his spirit is present wherever he needs to be anyway, even if his body isn’t. Material things are not of any importance, Uncle Bill has lived his life with the purpose of showing love and attention to others, its why he watched over his siblings when they were young, formed the boys club, served our country, took such great care of his mother, and at some point has hugged and kissed everyone that’s here today, probably the first time he met you.

Uncle Bill is also a great gardener, always has a good crop of tomatoes, and has planted something in each of us, whether we realize it or not, that will grow and always be a part of who we are. And we all wish you a very Happy Birthday.

Tough Questions about Brady

It’s times like these that parent’s earn their gold stripes, or at least grey hairs, as all across this great land parents are being faced with difficult questions. Why? How? What now? Plus, who is Lady Gaga? They are asked with looks of great fear, as if their future is in doubt. There is no perfect answer to give, but hopefully the right words can be found to heal the pain and make a better tomorrow seem possible.

Why is Tom Brady a champion, didn’t he cheat? How is he a hero? Does this mean I can break the rules to get ahead? Life would be so much easier, if only the Falcons would have kicked a field goal and kept their lead. Now a dark cloud is over our nation’s youth, as a man with rotten ethics, is heralded as a champion. An appeal to sports is that it’s often a reflection of life, by doing all the little things right and following the rules, you will be a winner. You’ll gain the respect and admiration of those around you. However, in sports as in life, there are exceptions. Tom Brady and the New England Patriots cheat, yet today they are on the top of the world. What example does that set for today’s children?

Since Tom Brady prefers his balls to be deflated…footballs, mind you, he went against rules of the NFL. Yes, he served a suspension for the crime, but it doesn’t take away his guilt. Do children who prefer using crayon instead of a #2 pencil, have the right to do their school work in crayon, because Brady does what he wants. Brady sets his rules, and achieves success.
Brady’s life off the field isn’t very admirable either. He’s married to a supermodel, yet still can’t keep his hands to himself. That’s very disrespectful to women. The self-esteem of young girls are devastated today, as a womanizer is MVP. Brady started dating his current wife, while his ex was pregnant with their son and more recently accused of having an affair with the nanny who worked for Ben Affleck. Women should be protesting, but Brady is forgiven because he’s kind of cute, has nice hair, and isn’t orange.

Yes, Brady and the Patriots won, but tomorrow will come again, and the same sun will continue to rise. We could protest, especially since the final touchdown in overtime wasn’t examined very closely, but it won’t change the results. Things don’t always go the way we want them, that’s how life works, but one man, even a multi-millionaire, doesn’t have the power to change everything.

Are you Ready?

‘Are you ready?’ Is a question I’ve been asked over and over about being a parent, and I’ve yet to find a perfect answer. Is there one? Are you ever truly ready for a responsibility such as parenthood? For some reason I remember being taught the importance of quadratic equations and  who signed the Treaty of Versailles, but not how to deal with a baby who cries all through the night or a teen that gets bullied online? Things will never be the same once that baby is born, while there will be many joys there is sure to also be many heartaches. Will handle it all by pretending to know what I’m doing.

Truth is, I wasn’t sure if I was ready to be a husband, and that has gone pretty well (most days). The rules of a happy wife are about the same for a baby; keep them fed, in clean clothes and don’t wake them up while sleeping. The major difference is, the child can’t ALWAYS be right, like the wife is. I do need to start practicing to say ‘no,’ as I don’t think I’ve uttered that word since getting married over three years ago. I’ve learned A LOT in three years, and my education is about to be at least doubled.

One positive in my favor, towards ‘being ready,’ is having a wife who is very organized. All the drawers and storage cubicles in the nursery are labeled, her bag for the hospital is packed and the guest list for the baby’s first birthday party is made out. She’s on top of everything. I must say that Jessica has handled being pregnant with a high level of excellence, I shouldn’t be surprised as that’s how it is with everything she does. I haven’t had to make a single run to the store to fill any weird cravings and the moodiness has been no different than usual. Ummm, let me rephrase that, she has been in great spirits. From traveling to California to passing a kidney stone, and continuing to work two jobs, I deeply admire how gracefully she has handled it all while having a human life growing inside of her.

In a way, a case could be made that I’ve prepared to be a stay at home dad for my entire life. I have the knowledge to teach the baby about what time the mail comes, that Victor Newman can’t be trusted, and around 3 p.m. makes for a perfect nap time. In all seriousness, I will work harder than I ever have towards anything to be a good father. Nothing will get in my way, with the exception of an occasional Facebook post (let’s be real) to doing whatever I can to best satisfy my daughter. My Netflix binge watching will be tremendously slowed down (thankfully I finished ‘Breaking Bad’), but there will be nothing greater than watching the development of our baby girl. Like with any new job, I’m excited, yet also nervous. I’ve seen people who are far less qualified than even me, be a parent, and they seem to manage, so I can too. The pay might not be that great, but the benefits will be awesome.

Babies are a result of numerous circumstances, but ours is blessed to have been made out of love. Our house was rather plain and simple when we purchased it, but a lot has been added to it. Its value has greatly increased. It’s comforting and adorned with pieces of our personalities, beliefs, and values. On every wall, in every room, there’s either a photograph, a verse, or some decorative item that represents our love. It’s a house filled with love, and our baby will be the exact same way. We are also blessed to be surrounded by so many whose love for us will extend unto the baby. As indicated by the attendance at the shower, there are lots of men, women, and children who will have a hand in raising her, for which we are eternally grateful.

Am I ready? As ready as I’ll ever be.