The Crappy Side of Parenting

To say my first few weeks of being a father have been crappy (or another word similar in meaning) would be totally inaccurate, yet with just a shred of truth. While being a parent is a tremendous joy, it comes with a lot of dirty diapers and Adelyn seems to possess the gift of unleashing her bowels right when I’m in the act of changing her. Turkeys may not be able to fly, but trust me, an infant’s poop can go a great distance in the air.

Apparently in order to be a parent, I must change an occasional diaper myself. Despite the amount of time that Adelyn spends drinking, she seems to poop much more than she pees. Or at least she puts them together as a combo. I have learned my lesson though, if it just pee, stand back because an eruption is near. If I didn’t know any better, I’d suspect that my sweet little girl knows when I’m changing her and intentionally unloads on me. It’s payback for not carrying her inside of me for nine months. It’s not been just once, or even twice, but at least three times that the floodgates have been open upon me.

It never fails, I think I’ve lucked out and got just a light load that she dumped, and I begin to wipe her off…BOOM! It happens so fast, there’s no time to react…and IT is everywhere. I have learned not to wear white while changing her, as it will get stained. The nearby décor isn’t even safe, as I’ve had to clean up picture frames (up to five feet away) and wash off the walls afterwards. My nickname for her should be Cannon, and she hasn’t even had any Mexican food yet. Meanwhile, she lies there with a grin. Thankfully the discharge has so far avoided my mouth, but be suspicious of any new freckles that may appear on my face.

The amount of laundry doubles from when I change her, as I never think to get her clothes out of the way. One night we went through all of her nighties and wraps. Plus, an equal amount of my pajamas gets dirty. Adalyn is going to need a whole second wardrobe for when I’m with her all day after Jessica goes back to work.

I am trying to help alleviate the problem, as I have started reading Adalyn a book as soon as I get her on the changing table. It gives her some extra time to try and get it all out.

The crappy times go beyond just diaper changing, as yesterday I held Adalyn for an hour or more, which I thought was a time of bonding. When I handed her off, I noticed a big wet spot on my T-shirt. I figured it was sweat, but Jessica instantly smelled something. It wasn’t sweat. It was more than her diaper could hold and it overflowed, right onto me….more laundry.

The positives of parenting far outweighs this little negative though, besides IT happens, especially when it’s time for me to change her.