A pre-eulogy to Uncle Dick

Rather than share his eulogy, which I’ve had written for about five years, I’ll instead give my Uncle Dick some praise while he’s still amongst the living. I’m inspired to do so today, after attending his retirement service this morning from 65 years in the ministry. His total number of retirements is more than the amount of Americans that died from Ebola. The Dick VanTine virus though has spread all across the country, infecting the lives of all he’s touched with a tremendous amount of warmth and God’s love.

I don’t know of anyone who leaves such a lasting impression upon everyone he meets like Uncle Dick does. He can enter room filled with 500 people and by the end of the night, each individual will be made to feel special by Uncle Dick. He has a true gift of connecting with people, of all ages, from young children to whom he says, ‘Shake my hand,’ to those who are even older than he is. Others may try his methods of connecting with others and end up with a black eye, but Uncle Dick has a way of asking a complete stranger, ‘Do you feel as bad as you look?’ and gain a new friend.

Uncle Dick is far from the White House, though he lives in a neighborhood with more crooks than are in D.C and am willing to bet he’s positively affected more lives than a number of Presidents, Obama for sure. Through his years in ministry, not to mention his years of working with children’s services, Uncle Dick has literally saved lives and directed many onto the right path and instilled within them the confidence to do great things. He’s the master of building personal relationships with everyone. We all like to feel like we matter, and that’s what Uncle Dick does so well. He forms personal connections.

Anyone whose single has been asked by Uncle Dick, “Give me a full report.” He’s always interested in the search for a person’s spouse. The true test of a relationship is having your date meet Uncle Dick. In his own unique way, he’d interrogate and then start asking about a wedding date. He’s performed over 3,000 weddings, and I’m proud to be one of them.

My dad often says about Uncle Dick, “He gave it all away,” Uncle Dick has never been able to stand being ahead. He never cared about financial gain, only about the riches of proving a good time for others. He’d reach deep into his own pockets to provide things like pool parties while serving the church. As a man whose devoted his life to ministry, I can’t think of anything more appropriate than for Uncle Dick to give it all away. He’s a shining example of Christ, who gave his life for us. Uncle Dick has given so much of himself for us.

He lives for Christ and I witnessed it at church this morning. Uncle Dick is starting to move like an old man. Walking and standing for very long are a struggle, but when the choir began singing one of his favorite songs, he leapt to his feet and led the congregation very spiritedly. Swinging his arms and moving around like a man half his age. My eyes became a little watery and it so awesome to see him be carried by his love of serving Christ.

Despite his 65 years in ministry, I’ve never heard Uncle Dick quote scripture, outside of a church setting. He says the prayer at family gatherings, because as he says, ‘The one who prays eats first,’ especially if corn on the cob is served. He can eat them by the dozen, followed by a whole bowl of candy. Anyway, Uncle Dick spreads his faith by his actions and relationships with others, not by talking about the Bible.

There is so much more that can be said about Uncle Dick, I haven’t even touched the surface. Hopefully we’ll work together to write a book about his life, there’s certainly enough material to fill one. He’s a very special person, and one I very much admire. I fall very short in comparison, but if there’s anyone I’d like to emulate in how he treats others it’s Uncle Dick. Like with so many others, he has made a positive impression on me.

 

 

Shopping is Hard

There’s no wonder that shopping is mostly a woman’s sport, it’s because they are nearly impossible to buy for. That became very clear to me this Christmas, when the Mrs started asking for the receipt before she finished opening each gift. The worst part is, I really thought she would love everything. I had spent hours, or at least minutes, searching for the perfect gift.

It’s often said this time of year that, ‘Giving is better than receiving.’ That must have originated from a wife whose husband shopped for her. To be fair, it’s not all the fault of men, as we wouldn’t dare try and buy our bride clothes. She doesn’t even trust my fashion sense enough to buy clothes for myself. Plus, kitchen appliances are frowned upon as gifts. A toaster doesn’t send the right message, neither does an iron. Women always enjoy getting flowers, but I wrapped a bouquet last year, but they were all dead by Christmas morning when she opened it.

An item from her list was nail polish, seems simple enough…wrong! There is not only 50 shades of grey, but of every other color too. Trying to find a plain red gave me a headache worse than when I smell nail polish remover. The shade of red I picked was to crimson, whatever that means. Plus I only got one bottle, instead of getting two, which would have allowed me to get a third for half price or up to five for 60% off if I had used a coupon. A person almost needs a degree in accounting to understand all the percentages that can be saved. I failed Algebra 101, two times, so the only percentage I understand is 100% (not because it’s what I got on my tests). Unfortunately, I tend to always pay 100% of the sales price.

Another gift the wife asked for was some towels for the bathroom. Again, color choice proved to be my downfall. I selected some puffy, exceptionally absorbent 100% cotton green towels. She hadn’t even felt their softness before saying, “Green? Green? What color is our bathroom?” I had to stop and think for a minute, my focus is usually on my aim or whatever I’m reading while in the bathroom, not on the walls. “Did you think green would go with blue?”…..I’m still trying to figure out the problem.

She had also requested a ‘hot nuts’ scented candle. I got some strange looks when I said, “My wife loves the smell of hot nuts.” One clerk suggested a 50 Shades of Grey candle, as being the closest thing, but I declined. There was nothing that really even resembled hot nuts, so I just got her a jar of peanut butter and offered to microwave it instead of lighting a candle to create the aroma. In hindsight, the 50 Shades candle would have been a better idea.

It’s the thought that counts, right? Even if the thoughts are rather misguided. Next year I think I’ll play it safe and just get gift cards or at least remember to save the receipts

The Tricks of the Treat

I never really understood the meaning of ‘Trick’ in Trick or Treat as everyone  gives out only treats, except for those who distribute pamphlets of pennies, who trick you into thinking you are getting something. Pennies aren’t even enough to cause excitement in young children. However, now that I’m on the giving end of Trick or Treat, I realized that I was tricked into giving candy to many undeserving individuals.

Out of the 200 or more Trick or Treaters I served, much less than half were what I would categorize as legitimate Trick or Treaters. My qualifications for being considered legitimate aren’t very high, only that you are old enough to walk and be dressed in some sort of costume. Isn’t that the true essence of Trick or Treating anyway. It doesn’t need to be an elaborate costume, actually some of the best are simple ones and made from stuff just around the house. Anyone can part their hair and put tape on a pair of glasses to be a nerd (wait that sounds to much like me) or boys can unzip their pants and be Bill Clinton while girls can carry vegetables and be Michelle Obama. There’s to many possibilities for normal everyday clothes to be acceptable. What must their thought process be. ‘Hey, let’s go trick or treating.’….‘But we don’t have costumes.’…‘Who cares, I want candy.’

I always enjoyed going Trick or Treating, and getting enough candy to last until Easter and have the supply get replenished. The fun was taken away one year though when someone said, ‘Aren’t you a little old for this,’ and denied me candy. I went back to my car and had to stop crying before I drove home. I had grown a real beard and everything to be an authentic looking pirate.

One of the joys of Halloween is seeing little kids in their costumes, but when they have to pushed in their strollers and are asleep, they are just being used for mom and dad to score some candy. Some parents don’t even bother to put the bucket in the babies lap and just carry it themselves. No sense trying to fool anybody. One mother was even breast feeding her child when they approached, thankfully I had some Milk Duds. Next year, rather than candy I think I’m just going to buy a case of baby food.

There can be a lot of stress involved in handing out the candy. What are you supposed to give to kids who haven’t even gotten any teeth yet? Plus there’s the pressure of running out of your favorite candy. Those old enough to be in high school, who weren’t even in a costume got the Almond Joys and Whoppers while I reserved Reeses Peanut Butter Cups for those who were legitimate Trick or Treaters. A few kids made the decision easy for me and just reached in to grab what they wanted themselves, at least one asked how many pieces they could have.

I might have been tricked, but overall the holiday tradition is a treat, breast feeders and all.

Farewell to Roxy

Silence really can say a lot. Every time I open the front door, the sounds of Roxy not being at home speaks volumes to how much she is missed. Though Roxy never uttered a single word, except if you count ‘Ruff’ she clearly had a strong presence in the house, because it sure is quiet without her.

When I said “I do,” last September and committed to a life spent with Jessica, I knew my life would be blessed in many ways. I never expected her dog, Roxy, to be one of the blessings. They were a packaged deal and I was willing to tolerate being a first time dog owner in order to get the main prize (Jessica). They both proved themselves to be very rewarding. My time with Roxy was to brief, but her impact on my life will last forever.

“It’s just a dog,” that’s what I used to say about the four-legged furry creatures. I felt that they weren’t worth much emotional attachment…I was wrong. I’ve lost grandparents, aunts, uncles and other loved ones, but Roxy’s death hit hardest of all. Why? After all, she was just a dog. I have come to realize it hurts so much, because Roxy was a part of me. We were together every day. She was largely dependent on me, but I never realized how much I relied on her. From her absence I’ve learned how much a part of my daily life she was. For the majority of the time it was just me and her at home so I would talk to her. Probably the only female who never told me I was wrong! Our conversations were brief, and usually pretty one-sided. It’s not often that I’m the bigger talker. She’d usually listen though and sometimes tilt her head as her ears perked up, or at least one of them. Roxy would follow me into the kitchen, in hopes I would drop something (I usually did). Now I have to actually sweep the floor. She kept track of where I was in the house, especially if near the back door. The first thing I did every morning, before even having my juice was let her outside. It was always the same routine, she would walk the perimeter of the yard, sniff around under the shed, and then do her business. She gave me an added purpose and responsibility for each day.

In addition, Roxy was just not part of me, but more importantly was a part of us (Jessica & I). Throughout our entire relationship, Jessica had Roxy. Them together is all I have ever know. When I first started visiting Jessica, while she lived in Indiana, I was afraid of Roxy. Her bark did sound ferocious, but she was really a softie. Our time together has always included Roxy. She made us a family.

After suffering through different health issues all summer, and losing twenty pounds, it was finally discovered last week that Roxy had a massive tumor in her stomach. Cancer is devastating to dogs and humans. There was really only one option, which  is extremely difficult to face. The vet said, we would know when we were ready. I didn’t believe her, I couldn’t ever imagine being ready to have our beloved pet put to death. Once again, I was wrong…I guess in her own way Roxy did tell me I was wrong. That night, she cried all night long. Wouldn’t eat a bite of anything. Her breathing was labored. Roxy was ready to be put at peace…we knew.

While I’ve never given anyone any Driver’s Ed lessons, I believe that taking your dog (pet) to the vet for the final time has to be one of the hardest rides to ever endure. Life can certainly be cruel sometimes. Roxy certainly didn’t deserve such a fate, and neither did we. Just like every proud parent says of their child, every dog owner thinks their dog is the best. Jessica and I are no different, Roxy really was a great dog. She made it so easy for me to become a dog person. All she ever wanted was a little love and attention…doesn’t everybody? I just wish we could have had more time together.

A valuable lesson I learned from Roxy, other than how to pick up her droppings with a paper bag, is that life is precious. Make the most of your time with loved ones because you never know how long you have. I never thought I’d only have a year with Roxy, I wish I could walk with her one more time. I can’t get the day’s back when I thought the weather wasn’t right or I just didn’t feel like exerting the energy. Don’t make excuses. Spend the time with your loved ones, whether two legged or four, as there is nothing else more important.

Though not with a collar, Roxy will continue to walk with me through life, as she marked her spot by leaving a paw print in my heart.

Marriage: Year One

It wasn’t long into our marriage that I annoyed the Mrs., (just a couple hours after exchanging our vows) by giving a speech. Granted my address was rather lengthy, longer than the State of the Union, but it included more truth than Obama has ever uttered. It’s the first time I’ve ever had a lot to say. By the time I got to page four (teen), even though it was close to 90 degrees and I was outside in a tux, I started to shiver due to Jessica’s cold stare. A year later I still occasionally get grief about my speech. However, like most husbands, I’m a slow learner, so in honor of our one year anniversary here is another speech.

Calendars don’t lie, otherwise I really wouldn’t believe that its been a year. I would think it’s just because I’m old that the time seemed to go so fast, but Jessica thinks it did to. So it’s not because of age. We just must be having lots of fun…thanks Netflix!

A key to a successful marriage that I strongly believe in is to never go to bed angry with one another. Any issues should be resolved before going to sleep. It means some late nights, and I’ve started taking more afternoon naps, but we’ve tried to follow the rule. One thing I’ve learned from marriage is that couples who say, “We’ve never had a fight,” are liars. Either that or have husbands who didn’t spend their honeymoon following their Fantasy Football picks.

Seriously though, Jessica continues to amaze me on a daily basis, she can  spot the tiniest of spills on my shirts. She is easy to praise, that’s why I tend to get a little longwinded when ‘talking’ about her. Jessica is extremely hard working, she currently has three jobs and works an average of 16 hours a day. I’m actually not sure if that’s a testament to her work ethic or how she feels about being home with me, but the paychecks are nice. I’m always impressed by all that she’s able to do, as nothing is impossible in her eyes. Jessica can use power tools that I don’t even know the name of. I got a carpenter, a plumber, landscaper, nurse, chauffer, therapist, and wife. Cook? Will nobody can do everything.

A master organizer, Jessica uses her time wisely and can accomplish more in one day than I can in a week. She can work an 8 hour shift at one job, clean house, go to the grocery, make Sangria, get an oil change, walk the dog (wait that’s my job) and balance the checkbook …all in one hour.

Perhaps the most impressive of all is that she’s taught me how to do laundry. I now know the difference between lights, darks and delicates. Or at least I haven’t missed anything up to bad yet. Still waiting to figure out the purpose of the dryer sheets though. In addition, I can now also cook a meal, that’s edible. It sure screwed up my weight loss plan. Never thought I would be searching Pinterest for recipes. All she asks is that I take care of the laundry, dinner and keep the house somewhat presentable..two out of three isn’t bad.

Nobody ever said that marriage is easy, and it’s not, nothing in life ever is. A thing called reality gets in the way of fairytales. It’s our anniversary and rather than being joyous, we’re worried about the health of our dog. Just like all other married couples, the pile of bills keeps rising on us. Every time there’s a light at the end of the tunnel one of our cars breaks down, we get a kidney stone or some other unexpected expense comes up. While it might not be true of our savings account, there’s nothing that will break us up though.

It’s became abundantly clear that Jessica really is the only one for me, guess that’s why it took me so long to find her. Not everyone would have the patience, understanding, responsibility and willingness to spend their life with me. I’m constantly reminded by her actions of how extremely fortunate I am and keep hoping that she somehow still considers herself lucky for having me. Assuming I survive this speech, it is a lot shorter, I look forward to spending many more years with my Princess.

My favorite TV Sidekicks

If my life was a sitcom, it would have already been canceled, and I’d need a new neighbor. There’s nothing wrong with my neighbors, but I don’t even know their names. They have never stepped foot in my house, but in a sitcom they would always be over, often at the most inopportune times, and they would be crazy. I My life not only lacks a wacky neighbor, bur nor do I have a best friend, co-worker, or live-in maid who routinely gets me involved in hilarious situations. Hence why a sitcom of my life would last about as long as ‘Surviving Jack.’

Most of the best televisions shows (or at least my favorites) include a sidekick character, who usually steals the spotlight. In the early days of television, (black and white) there was Fred & Ethel on ‘I Love Lucy’ and now there’s Penny on ‘The Big Bang Theory.’ I’d like to remember some of my favorites through the years.

It would be a crime to go any further on this topic without mentioning the one and only Barney Fife of ‘The Andy Griffith Show.’ There might not be any greater example of a show stealer than Barney, for proof try to watch an episode of the famed series he left. Barney might not have only had one bullet, but he was fully loaded to shoot out comedy. He didn’t even have to speak, just his physical movements and facial expressions were enough to unleash fits of laughter. There are countless episodes in which Barney shines, but a favorite of mine is from season two ‘The Pickle Story.’ Don Knotts as Barney is at his best in the scene when he tries to sneak a bag full of aunt Bea’s jar’s of pickles past her. He tries to explain the rattling, by saying it’s shaving cream. “I shave a lot when I travel,” he nervously bumbles….While on the subjects of Knotts, credit must also be given to his role as Mr. Furley in ‘Three’s Company.’ Furley vs. Roper, that’s a debate for another day.

While not considered much of a classic, ‘Coach’ featured Jerry Van Dyke as Luther, who is one of my personal favorites. What Luther lacked in intelligence, he made up for with heart. He loved Elvis, food, and his dog. Luther is the type who meant well, but trouble always followed him, leading to hilarious consequences. For example, my favorite episode is when Luther comes over to Christine’s apartment to keep Hayden company and ends up staining the white carpet with grape juice and starts a fire in the kitchen. Thanks to Netflix I’ve been getting reacquainted with ‘Coach’ but I’ve only been watching the episodes in which Luther is in the description.

I use the same method with ‘Frazier,’ on Netflix, seeking out his brother Niles. Whether with a one liner or through physical comedy, Niles always delivers. On ‘Cheers’ the character of ‘Frazier’ was one of my least favorite, but the supporting of Niles, Martin and Daphne make him shone on his own show.

Imagine ‘Family Matters’ without Steve Urkel…boring! He’s really the type of neighbor that you hate to see come over, as something is likely to get broken. “Did I do that?” More than a sidekick, Steve Urkel took over the show, similar to Fonz on ‘Happy Days.’

‘Seinfeld’ was the title, but its his trio of friends who really shined. Back when ‘Seinfeld’ originally aired Kramer was my favorite, but with more recent viewings I’ve grown to appreciate George more. I certainly hope it’s not because I unknowingly see a lot of myself in him. Of course, I’ve always had eyes for Elaine.

There are so many more like Schneider from ‘One Day at a Time,’ Six from ‘Blossom,’ Eddie Haskell/ ‘Leave it to Beaver,’ Al/ ‘Home Improvement’, Lenny & Squiggly /‘Laverne & Shirley’, Barney Rubble/ ‘The Flintstones’, Patrick/ ‘Spongebob Squarepants’, Boner/ ‘Growing Pains’…it could on and on…who are some of your favorite TV sidekicks?

A Challenge of Faith

It finally happened, with all the rest of the country, I received a challenge to dump ice and cold water over my head. I’ve been somewhat critical of the craze and would feel like a hypocrite if I were to do it, but I have devised a response.

Most of you have already done it yourselves, and if not have at least seen the overwhelming majority of your Facebook friends take the Ice Bucket Challenge. We are all much more aware of ALS, but what does that really mean? Does the awareness really make much of a difference in our daily lives? One of my gripes about the Challenge is that it’s become the popular thing to do and has become more about the videos than ALS.  The original concept was genius, but the nation has turned it into a mockery.

While sitting in church on Sunday morning (Yes, I daydreamed a little) I was thinking of how the blueprint of the Ice Bucket Challenge could be used for an even greater good. The really cool thing about the challenge is how its united the country and everyone from all ages, colors and class levels can participate in. It used social media to spread a positive message, like it does recipes. Everyone now knows about ALS, a challenge issued over Facebook can reach the masses and influence people to act. People who otherwise would have never heard of the disease are now aware of it. Imagine if the same method was used to make the public aware about Christ.

I can go pour an ice bucket over my head and post it, but the effect will be very minimal. Or I could maybe make someone aware of the power of Christ and help guide them towards a path that will change their life forever. If you think watching someone get soaked brings feelings of pleasure, its no comparison to having Christ perform miracles through you.

Thousands of people who two weeks ago had never heard of ALS are now supporters. You can’t be on Facebook for long without seeing yet another video of the Ice Bucket Challenge. It’s everywhere. Imagine if messages of faith were as rampant as posts about ALS. What impact would that have on our world?

We live in a society where the news is often nothing but bad. The lead story on the nightly news is a murder almost every night. Our schools are heavily secured because of multiple mass shootings in an environment that’s supposed to be safe for children. Drugs are everywhere. Our world is full of hate and violence and where Christ is being shut out, because non believers might be offended.

My challenge is to take a step towards changing that. Will make it even easier than the Ice Bucket Challenge, no video is required. Just simply post…I’m a Christian and include a brief description of somehow that Christ has worked in your life.

Maybe, just maybe it will help spread the awareness of Christ (no money involved) and if just one life is changed, it will be worth it.

To be fair, and so people won’t think I’m just trying to avoid the ice cold water, if twenty people accept this challenge I’ll complete the Ice Bucket Challenge. 

Thoughts on the Ice Bucket Challenge

The Ice Water Bucket Challenge is a craze sweeping the nation, while raising millions & millions of dollars for a very worthy cause; but what are the rules? I feel like everyone is doing it because it’s the cool thing to do, but aren’t fully informed on the details (that’s how Obama got elected…twice).

It doesn’t bother me that the video’s fill up my newsfeed, they are much better than the plethora of the useless personality quizzes. Nobody really cares what element from the periodic table your personality is most like. (We all know its helium anyway: full of hot air). Plus it’s interesting to see the different techniques that are used. Some use the same amount of ice that goes into a drinking glass, while others actually use like a five pound bags worth. Rules? I also enjoy seeing what everyone has laying around the house to use as a bucket. How long until someone markets a bucket to be used just for the ALS Challenge? Some using mixing bowls, other’s coolers, flowerpots, vases…anything that holds water.

The thing I really don’t understand and have yet to find a definitive answer (Yes, I looked on Google) is do those who soak themselves make a monetary donation? It’s my understanding that the choice is to either get wet or pay $100. Everyone is proudly posting the video of them getting drenched, but what’s the honor in choosing that route over paying? I’ve taken many cold showers, so what hurts me is opening up my wallet. The purpose of the Challenge is for ALS to make money, not for everyone to get their fifteen seconds, actually it’s usually closer to 45, seconds of fame on Facebook. I’d be curious to know how many people actually know what ALS even stands for, or if they took the challenge just because everyone else is doing it?

Obviously someone is paying, and understands the rules, because millions of dollars have been earned. That’s great, and I’m truly glad to see a disease other than breast cancer get some attention, but I at least understand the rules of a 5K run. I can’t do it, but I understand it. I can withstand being doused with cold water, especially in August. Want to be praised? Take the ice water bucket challenge in the middle of winter.

On the bright side, it is heart warming to see the entire country come together for a common cause. The challenge is something all ages, colors and genders can partake in. Everyone from elementary aged kids to President George Bush have participated. Entire sports teams, work places and probably neighborhoods have partaken. Just don’t let the real cause get lost in all the attention.
The dollar amount raised is very impressive, if the government had came up with the idea the national debt could be solved in less than a months time.

Furthermore, how did everyone suddenly become such experts on video recording? Parents miss capturing their child’s first step on film because they can’t find the right button to push. I’ve seen videos of weddings where nothing but the ground was recorded, because the cameraman messed up. However, every single ice water bucket challenge is filmed perfectly, centered and with high quality sound, and we know it was all one take because nobody would dare go through it twice.

Here’s my challenge for you, and you have more than 24 hours to complete it…share this with three readers. I want to go viral too. (I’m kidding)

The Battle of Music in Churches

Though its meant to be a center of love and all things holy, the church is often the cause of much conflict. A common cause of discourse within a congregation is the type of music that’s played. It’s a battle of the ages, literally, as traditional is pitted against contemporary. The older members feel the contemporary music is to loud, even with their hearings aids off, while the younger crowd is put to sleep by the hymns. Who wins?

I can only imagine (no reference to the Mercy Me song intended) what the complaints in churches were like when pianos first started being played..‘Feel like I’m in a saloon’, ‘He/She pounds on those keys,’ and ‘I liked the harp much better.’ The inclusion of a guitar, keyboard, bass and drums was a near equivalent of murder in the minds of some, who felt overtaken by the devil’s music.
According to the traditionalists, the contemporary music is not only loud enough to almost break the sound barrier but the choruses go on forever. Their feet feel like they have run a marathon after standing through two praise songs. However, singing all six verses of the hymn on page 152 in the hymnal is no problem.

There’s no question that there is a difference between the two styles and I understand both sides. The elderly just want to honor God, not attend a rock concert, while the younger generation won’t attend unless there’s a praise band. What get’s lost in it all is that both genres give glory to God.
Despite their volume, and repeated chorus, most of the contemporary songs contain lyrics that are taken directly out of the Bible. Whenever I read scripture, it usually doesn’t take very long before the words of a song come to mind. If able to hear themselves think and actually concentrate, the naysayer’s might realize they shouldn’t be complaining about the word of God.

Over the past couple of years, much to my surprise, I’ve become a devoted fan of Christian music. It’s all I listen to on the radio, if not 700 WLW, and the last several concerts I’ve attended were Christian recording artists. I’d choose Matthew West over Miley Cyrus, I at least know some of his songs. However, I still have a respect for some of the traditional hymns, as ‘Amazing Grace,’ is still hard to beat, even with drums. Like with television shows like ‘I Love Lucy,’ it’s nice to take a trip back in time once in awhile, but ‘The Big Bang Theory’ is the standard of today. How a Christian can partake of a song such as ‘10,000 Reasons (Bless the Lord) and not feel touched is beyond me.

Some churches try to find a happy medium by offering a blended service, which is when a old hymn is occasionally added. I attend a church that is pretty contemporary but does do another classic pretty regularly ‘How Great Thou Art.’ A perfect blend, better than cappuccino, is when
‘How Great Thou Art’ is put with ‘How Great Is Our God.’

My preferences aside, its hard for me to argue against contemporary music when I’m part of a congregation in which its hard to find a seat and the hundreds of people positively respond to the music…and have also witnessed churches dwindle away to nothing because they wouldn’t stray from the hymnals. The important thing to remember is that it’s all about God, and to maybe bring some earplugs and comfortable shoes.

Memories of the O.J Trial: Twenty Years Later

It seemed to be a slam dunk case, or in this instance maybe more of a touchdown case, with all the blood evidence, a history of violence and a suspect who attempted to flee; yet ‘not guilty’ was the verdict. It’s been twenty years since the O.J Simpson trial, an event which many would like to forget, but remains so memorable for a number of reasons. It was true ‘reality TV’ with stakes much higher than a million dollar prize and without any Kardashians…well yes, the Kardashians were involved.

I was pretty consumed by the O.J Trial as it provided more legal drama than even ‘The People’s Court.’ The participants were not actors, unless you count “Naked Gun,” but real litigants having their case heard on national television. It’s the most I ever watched CNN, (Fox News was not yet invented), where Greta Van Susteren got her start as an analyst, pre plastic surgery. I also watched a lot of the coverage on E!, which was hosted by the more attractive Kathleen Sullivan. (Remember, it was twenty years ago)

No matter where you stood on the case, there’s no denying that it was all very riveting. Before the trial even began was the historic White Bronco slow speed chase, which interrupted the NBA Finals. Millions of Americans tuned in to watch a Bronco, driven by A.C Cowlings, which contained O.J holding a loaded gun. Much more exciting than NASCAR. Meanwhile, Simpson’s attorney, Robert Kardashian (Kim’s biological father), publicly read what very much sounded like a suicide note written by O.J.

Yes, it all makes O.J look pretty guilty, plus the fact his blood was found at the crime scene and everywhere else of relevance; not to mention a cut on his hand; but that’s without anything from the defense. I think Johnnie Cochran could make the Devil sound innocent of any wrongdoing. He should have received an Emmy, or at least been nominated, because his performance was better than anything else on television in 1995, including Bob Saget in “Full House.” Seriously, Cochran was so captivating you almost had to root for him….I know, most of you disagree. However, all legalities, evidence testimony etc. aside, Cochran prevailed and narrowed it down to one simple line, “If the glove doesn’t fit, you must acquit.”

Simpson had a ‘Dream Team’ of lawyers, which in addition to Cochran and Kardashian, also included Robert Shapiro, F. Lee Bailey, Alan Dershowitz, Barry Scheck and others. It’s Scheck who introduced the world to DNA. Now DNA seems like common knowledge, as people routinely say, “It’s in their DNA,“ but prior to Scheck it was just, “It’s in their blood.“

The ’Dream Team’ are just some of the memorable figures that became household names during the trial. There was the fumbling prosecutors, Marcia ’the Mole’ Clark whose now an author of courtroom drama novels and Christopher Darden. The victims families, Fred Goldman with his handlebar mustache and daughter Kim. There was also Denise Brown . From the LAPD were detectives Lange and Van Atter, plus Mark Fuhrman , who before Paula Deen and Donald Sterling was most infamous for having used the ‘N-word.’ And of course Kato Kaelin the aspiring beach bum actor, whose only role of any significance was his testimony. There were many more intriguing witnesses, but those are the only names I remember.

Finally, after more than eight months the trial concluded and in just four hours the jury had a decision. I remember I was in class at Sinclair when the verdict came in, I wasn’t expecting it or I would have skipped. Fortunately, I’ve been able to see many of replays. To be honest, I was a minority amongst whites as I was rooting for O.J. I didn’t want to believe a likeable celebrity could be guilty of such a heinous crime and plus I supported Cochran. Plain and simple, irregardless of Simpson’s guilt, the case was won by Cochran…if the glove doesn’t fit, you must acquit.

Ironically, and perhaps somewhat fittingly after the ‘Trial of the Century’ and all the time, money and attention it took that Simpson’s freedom wouldn’t last. He ended up in prison for a totally unrelated crime, so I suppose in the end that justice was served, but it wasn’t nearly as entertaining to watch.

Facebook Etiquette..Is there such a thing?

Seemingly everyone in today’s society has a Facebook account, and despite its widespread use there is no User’s Manual. Without specific directions there are facets of Facebook that I’m unsure of and apparently I’m not alone as I often witness some violations. There’s recipes on how to boil water, but no real rules on how to handle social media. I’m pretty certain there are more Facebook users than cooks, though I do see a number of posts about what people are making for dinner.

One question I have is, how frequently should you post a status update? Some believe that at least once an hour is acceptable while others are on more of a yearly schedule. Ironically its sometimes those with the most uninteresting life who provides the most updates, assuming everyone really cares that they are stopped at a red light. There have been exceptions, but personally I try to limit myself to one post a day. On particularly mundane days I feel pressured to make something happen that’s worthy of a status update. There’s a lot of responsibility in using the allotted space wisely as there’s nothing more humiliating than a post that doesn’t get a single reaction. Not even a ‘Like’ from the ‘friend’ we all have that ‘Likes’ every single post that’s made. It’s like walking into a crowded room and everyone turns their back to you.

There’s even some uncertainty when something really exciting happens in my life, as I’m unsure when the best time is to post it is. I don’t want the news of me finishing a season of ‘Downton Abbey’ to go unseen, but posted whenever the most people are online. Is prime time for Facebook the same as it is for television? Posts made early in the morning, or before 10 a.m., seem wasted because the viewing audience is going to be down. Plus, if something really status worthy happens later in the day, I’ll have to break protocol and post twice.

Another confliction I have with Facebook is how much merit should be put into the dispensing of ‘Like’s?’ Should ‘Like’ really resemble a stamp of approval or just a customary habit? When someone makes a comments on a post of mine that makes me laugh or is especially thoughtful or something I ‘Like’ it, but then I feel the need to ‘Like’ all the other comments. I’m an equal opportunity Liker, but that lessens the value of the ‘Like’ I really mean. Nobody wants to be the commenter who doesn’t get a ‘Like’ when everyone else does. Trust me, I’ve been that person and it doesn’t feel good.

The ‘Like’ system is complicated on so many levels, as another issue is the where’s the boundary on who to ‘Like’? The term ‘Friend’ on Facebook is used very loosely. Honestly, we all have ‘Friend’s’ who we wouldn’t even consider asking for help in our greatest time of need, mainly because we wouldn’t be able to even think of their name. Rather than friends they are more of acquaintances, or people you really don’t even like but don’t have the heart to de-friend them.
Is it acceptable to ‘Like’ one of their posts, or even comment, if they like get married, have a baby or something (not particularly in that order)? Or if they ‘Like’ your post, do you then have to ‘Like’ one of theirs? Friendships need to be of  equal balance.

That’s only a small sample size of the complexities of Facebook that a User’s Guide would really be useful for (Hmmmm I just got a book idea). Of course, just like in society, the rules don’t matter anyway. It’s a free for all. Nobody really cares what you do, except for sending out requests to play games.

Teacher Appreciation

There are certain things in life that are better the second time around, for many its marriage and some movies require multiple viewings before they can be appreciated. For me fifth grade was a nightmare as being overweight with glasses, a speech impediment and the tendency to throw up in class on a regular basis didn’t exactly make me Mr. Popular (I at least don’t puke as often now).
As a reporter for a weekly newspaper in Tipp City, I frequently cover school happenings and the fifth grade has become my favorite place to be.

Of course, this time around I don’t have to take any tests or find someone to sit with at lunch, I just get to be part of the special activities like field trips, assemblies, school musicals etc. The fourth and fifth graders of L.T Ball Intermediate School definitely have the most fun. They also have an extremely hard working and devoted staff. Year after year I’m always highly impressed by the extra time the teachers pour in on behalf of the students. Since its Teacher Appreciation Week, I wanted to express my gratitude to some very special teachers.

In my years as a student, teachers were seen as enemies whose sole purpose was to make life miserable for all children. Though I still have to use my fingers to solve math problems, I’m considered an adult now, and actually know some teachers that I proudly consider friends. Never saw that happening! It may sound cliché, but it’s the absolute truth, the one and only reason I’m still working in Tipp City after more than seven years is…the people. A group who ranks among the highest in that category are the teachers and staff at L.T Ball. Beyond greeting me with smiles, they are always willing to find the right students for me to interview and stage photo-ops. In addition, they alert me of school happenings so I can get those desired exclusives.

All teachers work hard, but I don’t think there’s any other school where the teachers devote more time to learning opportunities that occur outside of the classroom than L.T Ball. I must confess, the only reason I enjoy being back in fifth grade isn’t just the teachers, but the students get to do a lot of fun things. Of course, those experiences are all made possible by the extra work from the teachers. A few examples of the activities are the Relay for Life, kickboxing lessons, dodge ball, eggs hatching, Veterans luncheon, and more. After the dismissal bell rings there are many nights that the teachers stay well after and sacrifice time spent at home with their families.

Over the years with the fifth graders I have hiked Charleston Falls (including playing in the creek), made memories at Camp Kern, and walked around the track to honor those who have battled cancer. Thankfully I haven’t thrown up once during any of it. The staff has made me feel like one of them and have been extremely generous with their kindness by sending cards during both high and low times in my personal life; my marriage and the death of a relative. The acts of generosity are very meaningful to me.

There are some teachers from L.T Ball that I must not fail to personally recognize. First are Molly Flatter, Kem Fischer and Christa Oen. They each are not only beautiful blondes, but wonderful teachers, friends and three of my favorite things about Tipp City. I also deeply admire Tammy Conley, Carmella Lammers and Jeanne Koch for their endless efforts in giving above and beyond themselves on behalf of the students. They each spend countless hours doing extra work to make education as pleasant of an experience as possible. Furthermore, they are always more than willing to answer any questions I have and help make my job easier.

While in school, especially fifth grade, many students don’t fully appreciate their teachers, but I’m at the age when I do. I very much appreciate the teachers and staff of L.T Ball who continue to make a positive difference in my life and fortunate students they encounter.

Scents of a Woman

  The task seemed simple enough, as it was assigned to me with a little bit of reluctance. A lot weighed on my ability to succeed as anything less than perfection would mean total discomfort for my wife. She was putting her entire well being into my hands with the trust that I bought her the right kind of deodorant. Those who are thinking, nothing to it, are like me and had never shopped for a woman’s deodorant before.

Personally, any brand or deodorant is fine with me, as I forget to put it on half the time anyway. Plus, when I sweat, really sweat there’s no protection strong enough to keep me from stinking anyway. However, my wife prides herself on always having a fresh scent and is very particular about her underarm freshener. The details I was given were very specific; Degree Expert, Fresh Energy Protection and Motion Sense, must all be written on the container. Not even I could screw up with those directions…Wrong.

Just like with everything else, the options for types of deodorant has become overwhelming. Once finding the right aisle, after rushing through the feminine hygiene section, I began to feel dizzy.
The rows of different kids on deodorant appeared endless, and that’s just the Degree brand. There is deodorant that offers protection for eight hours, athletes, sitting at a computer all day, housewives and everything else you can imagine. There was everything, except of course, what I was looking for. There wasn’t anything that had ‘Degree expert’ on it. I looked and looked for about 15 minutes, which seemed like an eternity, and was then sent a savior. Well, actually a friend who is technologically savvy and who has been married before so understood the weight of the dilemma I was under. He’s now divorced, in part because of one to many failed trips to the store.

After looking with our four eyes, actually eight because we both wear glasses, neither of us could still find the right deodorant. Maybe its called Degree, because you need a PHD in order to locate it. My friend then pulls out his iphone and Google’s the exact type of deodorant we are looking for. According to the internet, so it must be true, it does exist. At this point the missing Malaysian plane would be easier to find than Degree Expert. He then goes to the Wal Mart site and looks for the item, the records indicate that it’s in stock. The search then intensifies as he zooms in on the picture to read the bar code number. Did I mention my friends works for the CIA?

Finally, we are able to find a match with the bar code numbers, but the bottle now has a new look. All the descriptive wording such as Degree Expert and Motion Sense has been changed. No wonder I couldn’t find it. It may have took nearly an hour, but I was at least comfortable with the knowledge I had successfully completed the task and my wife could be proud of me.

It’s a good thing I know now what to look for because I’ll be going back again soon for some more, because all she said when I presented the deodorant to her was, “You only got one? I usually get four at a time.”

A Sunday Habit

Along with going to church and having an afternoon nap, usually not at the same time, my Sundays now have an additional habit. Some members from the cast of the national touring production of “Sister Act: The Musical” provides some heavenly delight with their weekly offering of #SIC or Sunday Intermission Cover. It’s a couple minutes of pure entertainment that I look forward to every week.

There’s no let-up in cast members Ashley Moniz (Sister Mary Robert), Chris Cooke (Ensemble), Tad Wilson (Joey), and occasionally others who every Sunday during the 15 minute intermission record a favorite cover song. The video is posted online with the hash tag SIC and is quickly spread amongst their fans. Covers they have done include “Wake Me Up” and of course the very popular “Let it Go.” I’m sure it’s just a matter of time until “Happy” is added to the list.

Those who have seen “Sister Act: The Musical” are well aware of the talented voices involved and #SIC is a further opportunity to enjoy them. Their vocal range is impressive and likely strong enough to part the Red Sea. The videos are just a few minutes long, but in addition to their savory voices, a laugh or two is always sure to be included. Their efforts deserve praise as rather than using the intermission to catch their breath, they continue to entertain.

I was fortunate to see “Sister Act: The Musical,” earlier this year when it Dayton, and am grateful for the opportunity to still enjoy the talents contained within the show. It all didn’t end when the curtain closed, as #SIC  provides an encore. Seriously, how many shows can you say that about?
These devoted actors care enough about their audience to reach out to them on a weekly basis and keep spreading cheer.

One of the major players in #SIC is Ashley Moniz, its appropriate she’s playing a nun because her voice is angelic. Her spirit is also as sweet as the music she makes. Chris Cooke and Tad Wilson are equally gifted and appear to be as endearing off stage as they are on.

Whether you have seen “Sister Act: The Musical” or not, I suggest making #Sic part of your Sunday habit. I’ll even get you started. Click Here.

My Oscar Picks (and nominations)

While I consider myself a movie buff, it seems every year at Oscar time the movies nominated are all ones I haven’t seen. It’s rather obvious that my tastes in films greatly differs from that of the esteemed Academy. Seriously, would the average movie-goer pick to see “We’re the Millers” or “Philomena?” I’ve never heard of “Philomena” either, but it’s nominated for Best Picture.
For my Oscar predictions I decided to judge on only the movies I’ve seen this year, which I think would also make for a more entertaining telecast.

Best Actor: Adam Sandler - Grown Ups 2
                  Steve Carrell-  The Incredible Burt Wonderstone
                  Will Ferrell- Anchorman 2
                  James Franco - This is the End
                  Johnny Knoxville- Bad Grandpa

    The Winner: Johnny Knoxville (Bad Grandpa) - His portrayal of an elderly gentleman, more like a dirty old fart deserves recognition. He was playing someone at least twice his age, with much emotional range. In what other movie will you see someone’s explosive gas leave a splattering of fecal matter on the wall of a restaurant?  I bet Matthew McConaughey doesn’t do anything like that in “Dallas Buyers Club.”

Best Actress: Jennifer Aniston - We’re The Millers
No contest, the strip tease scene in the warehouse is worthy of the Oscar all on its own, but she’s good in the rest of the movie too. Sorry, Meryl Streep, better luck next year.

Best Supporting Actor: Zach Galifanakis- Hangover III
                                    Danny McBride - This is the End
                                    Woody Harrelson - Now You See Me
                                     Nick Offerman- We’re the Millers
                                     Steve Carrell - Anchorman 2

The Winner: A tough race, but the edge goes to Nick Offerman in “We’re the Millers” based on the Joe Morgan reference and for his work on “Parks and Recreation.”

Best Supporting Actress: Melissa McCarthy - The Heat
                                       Kate Winslet - Movie 43
                                       Sandra Bullock- The Heat
                                       Allison Janney:  The Way, Way Back
                                       Anna Faris-  Movie 43

The Winner: A little seen movie, but a good one and Allison Janney is hilarious in it, especially when talking about her lazy eyed son.

Best Director: Who really cares? Other than Spieldberg, Scorcese or Woody Allen…name me a director. No cheating.

Best Picture: Hangover III
                    We’re the Miller’s
                     Bad Grandpa
                     Movie 43
                     Anchorman 2
The Winner is: It’s a tight race between “Bad Grandpa” and “We’re the Miller’s” as they both had me in near tears from laughing; but since it had more of a plot (and that’s pretty important) I’ll crown “We’re the Millers.”



                    

Not Another Personality Quiz!

Honestly, I’ve never touched crystal-meth, sold a single drug or even passed a Chemistry test yet I seemingly have the personality of Walter White. At least that’s the result I got from the personality quiz that matched me with a character from “Breaking Bad.” I’ve learned a lot about myself lately as I apparently also have the same internal make-up as Cinderella. From the Disney Princesses I always thought of myself as more of Snow White type, due to my fascination with dwarves.

The latest craze seemingly seems to be taking these online personality quizzes that matches you with a television character. There must be a quiz for every show that has ever aired, both old and new, from “Andy Griffith” to the “Walking Dead.” People have compared me to a zombie before, without even knowing how close to the truth they really were. The number of such quizzes I’ve seen posted really has become humorous, as every day it’s something new. I just saw one for “Whitney,” and I don’t think anyone even watched it. It was on for like three weeks.

It’s just not television either, movies are also involved and theirs quizzes that compares your personality to Presidents. Of course Bush gets blamed for any negative results. I got Obama but that’s only because I lied on all of my answers. There’s even a quiz that reveals what U.S state you are best suited to live in. Guess I should move to Iowa, am I really that boring?

I still don’t understand how questions like, ‘What’s my favorite food?’ and ‘Favorite city to visit?’ determines what ‘Golden Girl’ I’m most like. I don’t need a quiz to tell me that I’m getting old, my aching bones and liter of prune juice in the refrigerator already makes me aware of that.

I think I’ve taken my last quiz, especially after I got Cameron on the “Modern Family” version. Not that theirs anything wrong that..Hmmmm, I wonder if I have the personality of George or Kramer?

No School...Again!

WARNING: This post concerns a sensitive topic and it’s not my intention to raise anyone’s blood pressure or make any more enemies…so proceed with a good attitude. However, a sign of a good work is an emotional response from the public so if you blow a gasket, I guess I did my job. Just don’t complain to me about it!

All through life, or at least the first twenty plus years of it, we are told of the tremendous worth of education. Nothing should ever prevent us from receiving a high quality education, unless of course…there’s a couple inches of snow on the ground. In that case, school is closed and it’s a day to protect young children from the elements. Remember, I warned you…and I do tend to exaggerate to make for better reading.

We are well into February and the local schools here have yet to have a week without at least one snow day in all of 2014. They’ve had more vacation days than Obama. Yes, it has been unseasonably cold and I understand the dangers of frostbite but when a sixth grader begins to crave school pizza its time to get back to class. The best thing about snow days should be that they are rare treats, not the standard. It’s a wonder the television stations didn’t list the schools that were open rather than those closed. Maybe I was wrong, but I always thought that the opportunity to learn some reading and arithmetic was worth having to put a pair of gloves on.

Some of the same parents who are likely to not even know the names of all their children’s teachers become deeply invested in their youngster’s scholastic efforts when they have to get themselves to school on a blistery morning. Trust me, I’m not heartless, I adore children and would never wish anything ill upon them, but I believe they are capable of arriving safely at school if the temperature is below freezing. Parents complain about their little ones having to be outside for an extended amount of time to wait on the bus, but then post pictures of the family out sledding. I guarantee the time spent out playing in the snow is much longer than any child would have spent getting to and from school.

I understand and support days of no school when it’s snowing and the roads are in bad condition, but I struggle with when its called due to just being really cold. Seriously, how long would most students have to actually spend outside? Long enough to throw away an entire school day?
Most days on which there has been school there was a two hour delay, which are pretty much wasted days. The periods are shortened, leaving little time to accomplish much, plus lunch.

It really makes no difference to me, I don’t have any kids, and I stay in myself when it’s really cold. I’m just trying to warm you all up by getting your blood boiling…your welcome.

Roxy & Me

My life was forever changed on 9-08-13, my wedding day, as it started a relationship filled with more love than I ever expected.  As  “with thus ring” I became a first time dog owner. There’s been some ups and downs, as unfortunately the honeymoon really doesn’t last forever, but I’m certain that Roxy loves me like no other.

I’d never been a dog lover, actually I kind of despised the four legged creatures, though they always seemed especially fond of me. Every dog I encountered seemed to have a lustful desire for my leg or at least liked to lick me, within just minutes after meeting. I however wanted no part of it, even if they were really cute, as my distaste for dogs was so strong that I refused to read the comic ‘Marmaduke.’ Yet here I was, not only gaining a wife, but also her dog.

It however didn’t take long to realize that Roxy and I are meant to be together. She gives me a tremendous amount of self worth and adoration, by following me wherever I go. Of course that’s largely because it’s never known when I might drop some food. It’s comforting to know though that Roxy enjoys being right at my side. She even waits anxiously outside the door when I’m in the bathroom, no matter the stench, while from the other room the Mrs. yells, ‘Don’t forget to spray.’

I never expected to be someone who  received personal gratification from a dog’s greeting, but Roxy’s level of excitement when I get home is extremely rewarding. Whether I’ve been gone twenty minutes or three hours, she is so glad to see me, especially if she needs to be let out.
Another great thing about dogs is they are quick to forgive and forget (if only wives were like that), as I can yell at Roxy for being up on the couch and all it takes is a little petting and it’s like nothing ever happened. Thankfully there’s also no worries of Roxy ever bringing up any of my past transgressions.

Like in all relationships, it’s the little things that mean a lot and have clawed a special place in my heart for Roxy. When I’m watching television she comes to sit beside me and if I stop petting her, she stares until I start again and then looks away. She won’t go out in the morning unless I get up out of bed to do it, even if the Mrs. tries first. And there’s not much cuter than when she slightly tilts her head as if listening intently when I tell her something, of course she only does it half the time.

The magic words of, ‘Want to go for a walk?’ sends Roxy into a state of near euphoria. She jumps around with reckless abandon and then runs circles around me while I get prepared. I’ve yet to say or do anything that gets such an excited reaction from the wife, definitely not asking to walk.

 I’m not always the best husband or dog owner, they both let me know that in their own way. For the longest time I never thought I would ever hold either position, but now I can’t imagine life without my wife or Roxy. They have forever changed me and also gave me an appreciation of ‘Marmaduke.’





downs, as unfortunately the honeymoon really doesn’t last forever, but I’m certain that Roxy loves me like no other.