“We the jury find the defendant…” Those words always provide
tension as the next few seconds will determine someone’s fate. I feel as if I’m
in a courtroom multiple times every day and night, waiting for the verdict to
come in as I try to put Adelyn down in her crib. Will I be granted some freedom
or sent back to the rocking chair to try again? Over the past eighteen months,
I’ve been in the exact same situation countless times and the pressure has yet
to relinquish.
I always thought the expression, ‘sleep like a baby,’ meant
a deep, hard to awake from sleep; but Adelyn never seems to fit that
definition. She may appear to be sleeping soundly, and a blaring television
doesn’t faze her, but as soon as the descent into the crib begins she becomes
fully alert. It continues to amaze me, how fast the tide can turn from nearly
comatose to wailing cries.
After being awoken by her cries, we go out to the recliner
where I hold her. Sometimes she goes right back to sleep (Thank You God), while
other times it’s a lengthy process. Either way I wait until she is in a deep
sleep, usually breathing loud enough for me to hear her, and then I begin
rising out of the chair. The standing up is a key moment as I have to be
careful not to disturb Adelyn too much. Depending on her position and my level
of alertness, it can be tricky. The room is dark and sometimes she has squirmed
so much that I don’t know on what end or head is. It’s really frustrating when
I have to start all over because I’ve awoken her by turning her into a human pretzel.
More times than not though, the journey back towards her room goes smoothly,
unless I step on one of the toys scattered across the floor. If she’s still
sleeping soundly, I can feel myself laying back in bed and drifting off as soon
as I close my eyes, all I have to do is just put Adelyn down.
Einstein must have been a pretty smart guy, but honestly the
theory of relativity has really never served me much in life. Did he ever study
how fast a sleeping, peaceful child can flip the switch to being bright eyed
and furious? That would have been useful. The transformation never ceases to
amaze me. It seems that the times I’m most certain that it will be a seamless
transition is when the most problems occur. She can be a dead weight in my
arms, but as soon as I begin to lean over the crib, Adelyn stretches out and
reaches for my shirt while releasing a shrieking cry. How does she know? On the
flip side, my release of her into the crib is not always perfect. I’ve never
been very sure handed, and sometimes I lose my grip and kind of her drop her.
Mind you it’s a very short distance and onto a soft mattress, but a little
jarring, yet she settles right in. I can leave her dangling by one leg and she
never wakes up, but if I ease her down gently, the waterworks are likely to
start-up.
Once a successful put-down has been accomplished, I run back
into bed, okay it’s more of a fast walk. Unless I’m half asleep and then it’s a
slow shuffle, with which I may bump into some walls. Thankfully, I have
mastered carrying Adelyn through her doorway, without hitting her head on the
doorframe. (That does speed up the process) Once I’m tucked in, I wish that the
whole process won’t need to be repeated again before sunrise, but it isn’t
always granted.
The time will come when I miss such nights, and then maybe I
can say, “The defense rests.” 
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