Fears of Parenthood

While the joys of having a child are plentiful, there’s also some concerns. Being born into a world where Hillary Clinton could be President is scary enough, but believe it or not, there’s some fears that run even deeper. Besides, who knows what Hillary’s health will be in five more months? Though it’s much more fun to focus on the positives, the negatives of being a parent must not be ignored.

The whole changing diapers thing is enough for its own future blog entry, but along the same lines of grossness, is all the puke there will be to clean up. Baby Woody already has two strikes against it, as both Jessica and I threw-up a lot while growing up. Yes, it’s normal for infants to spit-up, but we had volcanic like eruptions into our teen years (at least I did). I started taking an extra pair of clothes to elementary school, just so my Mom wouldn’t have to bring them after I lost my lunch. The clinic had her on speed dial, before speed dial was even invented. As for Jessica, she could barely go for a car ride around the block without getting sick. If the baby inherits that trait, we’ll have to pull over a lot, because though we both have gotten a lot better, we still have a bad gag reflex when we hear/see someone else vomit. It will be a chain reaction, if one of us throws-up, the other will soon follow. It will be an endless cycle of cleaning up barf. We better start stocking up on the Lysol now.

I have a confession to make, it’s very personal and I try not to talk about it, but I’ve kept it buried inside long enough. From the outside I may look normal, or at least somewhat close to it, but not all ailments can be seen. For years I’ve suffered from a serious case of being absolutely terrible at video games. From Pac-Man to Call of Duty, I last for about two minutes before all my lives are gone. It makes no difference if it’s at an arcade, on a home gaming system, a hand held device or on a computer, the results are always the same. With how kids start playing on their electronics at such a young age now, Baby Woody will be two and already past me on Candy Crush. How embarrassing will it be, when the child is still in diapers and beats me at every video game? Their first words will probably be, ‘No Daddy, push B!”

If we play outside the results are likely not to be much better. If it’s a girl, I can at least teach her how to throw like a girl. Either way, boy or girl, we will never be able to play catch, but rather pick it up. Not to brag, but I was always pretty good on the swings, so we’ll have to spend lots of time on the swing set, where I can both swing and push! Just no monkey bars though.

Gone are the days where a quick exit is possible, as I’ll no longer be able to go anywhere without being able to fit everything I need in my pockets. I’ll have to start loading up about ten minutes earlier now. Will never be on time again. I’ll need to pack the diaper bag, toys, stroller, blanket, bottles, food, etc. and hopefully remember the baby.

There will be no more peaceful meals, when out to eat, as soon as I cut into my steak (okay chicken nuggets), the baby will start crying, after having thrown hundreds of cheerios on the floor, and the surrounding diners give us dirty looks. I start shoving the food into my mouth quickly, not even tasting it. Then Baby Woody spits up, which causes me to lose everything I just inhaled, then we really get the dirty looks. We need to rush out before Jessica adds to the vomit, but we have to get the diaper bag, toys, stroller etc…etc…oh the joys of parenting.

The good will by far outweigh the bad, especially if Baby Woody takes after its mother more than its father.

Secret Joys of Parenthood

There are many positive blessings that come from having a baby; such as the warmth of their smile, a love stronger than anything ever known, and personal fulfillment of having created a human life. However, there are some less deep aspects of being a parent that I’m really excited about it.

First, without any shame or fear of getting caught, I can watch Sesame Street again. I never felt comfortable watching it on my own in fear that someone may find out, even with the volume turned really low, the risk was just too great. I didn’t want to be seen watching a show that’s geared for young children and provide further reasoning for my mental development to be questioned. It’s been so long since I’ve visited Sesame Street that I miss the witty banter between Bert & Ernie, Oscar’s put-downs, and Grover’s lessons on near/far plus over/under. Are Big Bird and Snuffleupagus still even friends? There’s been a huge void in my life without Sesame Street. I’m also hoping that maybe The Count can help teach me this new age style of doing Math as I’m totally clueless. I struggle enough with the old way. There’s also a whole new collection of children’s programming that I’m anxious to start watching, as me and the little one find new favorites. Thankfully Mr. Rogers Neighborhood is available on Netflix as no child of mine will go through adolescence without visiting the Neighborhood of Make Believe and learning the catch-phrase ‘Speedy Delivery…Speedy Delivery.’

Another bonus of having a child is amusement parks become much more appealing again. I will now be allowed onto the ‘kiddie rides’ rather than getting denied while preparing to board. When they ask, ‘Do you have a child to ride with?’ I will proudly state, ‘Yes, I do.’ No more getting laughed at for trying to get on the ‘kiddie coasters’ by myself. As long as I can fit in the seat, I’ll be ready to go, and maybe even let go and raise my hands up in the air. In addition, I can also go to Chuck E. Cheese again, it’s been way too long.

Though very young, babies can serve multiple purposes, such as a perfect exit strategy or an excuse to not even go. When grandma starts to tell the same story for the third time in an hour or when the aunts and uncles start to compare scars from their surgeries it’s the perfect opportunity to change the diaper or put him/her down for a nap. It will be easy to come up with a reason to excuse myself for a few minutes while with the baby, verses always having to claim I had to go to the bathroom.

I love the baby already, I won’t have to sit through any classical piano recitals because of it, as I can just say that the baby wasn’t feeling well that day. If asked over to yet another family gathering, and the finale of Big Brother is on the same night, then the baby has just been really cranky and would be better off just staying in.  

From the McDonald’s Playhouses to shopping in the toy aisles, being a parent is sure to bring lots of joys.

 

 

Finding the Perfect Name

  

The name can be everything, who wants to eat at a restaurant called the Poo Palace or live in Ding Dong, Texas? If the original plan to use ‘Mine and Yours’ as the title, instead of ‘The Brady Bunch’ it may not have reached such an iconic status. We as humans are identified by our names from birth to death, and can be the difference between public acceptance and abandonment. It’s the parent’s responsibility to present their child with a name that will serve them well.

I don’t know when the trend of coming up with more modern names started rather than the standards like; Tom, Dick and Harry or Betty, Sue, or Carol. Just like with everything else, there has to be a variety of options to choose from. I can barely decide on what flavor of potato chip to buy, not to mention name a child.

It’s important that it be a name that won’t easily be made fun of, as Woody is already enough to deal with.  That’s two strikes against Harry. An effort is also being made to not share a name with anyone else in the family. We don’t want to copy and everyone deserves their own identity, plus gossip is made easier when you don’t have to decipher which Al or Alice is being talked about. Juniors or II’s etc. are different, but we aren’t going that route. The larger the family, the harder it is to find an original name.

Maybe it’s a sign that I'm too big of a couch potato, but a number of names makes me think of television characters. Hayden brings me back to the days of ‘Coach.’ Actually Luther was my favorite from that show and is more deserving of my firstborn to be named after. Or perhaps Dauber. There’s no Dauber’s in the family. If it’s a girl, Penny or Bernadette are worthy of consideration, but I’d expect her first word to be…Bazinga! The world of television unleashes a whole host of names; Barney, Opie, Kramer (Cosmo), Chandler, Frasier, Piper, Skyler, Phoebe, Kalinda and Cersei. (How many shows did you guess?) There’s big hopes for this child, so to name it after a legend seems fitting. However the suggestions of Bert, Ernie, and Oscar just earned me a look that told me how to get somewhere, and it wasn’t Sesame Street. Maybe I should have started with Kermit.

Since television didn’t work, I turned to a U.S map for further inspiration. There’s one spot that Jessica has vacationed many times and holds a special place in her heart. Therefore, how touching would it be to name it Myrtle after Myrtle Beach. Only it makes the baby instantly sound like a senior citizen. Is there anyone under 80 named Myrtle? There’s also Anderson, which is where Jessica was living when we started dating, but Anderson Cooper is on CNN and we are a Fox News household. Greta? That might work. Reminds me of the O.J Trial though, as Greta Van Susteren got her start by covering it. Speaking of the O.J Trial. Kato is another name that comes to mind. The map ended up taking me in a direction we don’t want to go.

Finally, it struck me, the perfect name…June, after the month it all started. Only the child would be scarred when old enough to ask where her name came from.

Whether it’s a boy or a girl, I don’t know what its name will be, but it will be its very own.

 

The Other Side of Joy

For every winner…there’s a loser and for every joyous celebration… there’s a pity party. The thrill of victory is much sweeter if the sorrows of defeat have previously been experienced.  While currently relishing in the joys of my child’s upcoming birth, I’m also mindful of those whose pregnancy tests always came back negative. Though the response from everyone has been very positive, I’m certain that behind some smiles is heartache.

“So, when are you going to have kids?’ Is traditionally the first question asked of newlyweds, if they haven’t started early. I believe we were asked before we even had our first dance. Our bed wasn’t even put together yet. With each passing month the question becomes more and more frequent. By year two of marriage and still no stroller in sight the cashier at the grocery began to ask it. I don’t rush anything, it takes me an hour and a half to watch ’60 Minutes.’ Besides, getting pregnant isn’t like turning gray, it doesn’t happen automatically as soon as you say ‘I do.’ I won’t go into detail, or draw any pictures, but certain steps have to be taken. Even then, if the directions are properly followed, there’s still no guarantees.

While some women seemingly get pregnant just by having an impure thought others struggle with fertility. It can be extremely frustrating to repeatedly try to procreate and always be unsuccessful. Meanwhile, seemingly every female you ever went to school with, know from work, related to etc. is pregnant. On Facebook there’s suddenly more pregnancy announcements than recipes. Each one a reminder of a blessing being denied.

Television is not even an escape as babies are the number one tool used for breathing new life into sitcoms that are growing old. A show about the biggest geeks possible, ‘The Big Bang Theory’ even has a pregnancy in it. When watching old reruns of the ‘Golden Girls’ I kept expecting Blanche to have a big surprise.

The amount of unfit, (undeserving) or at least irresponsible, mothers also become more apparent. Everywhere you go whether it’s to a movie, restaurant, mall, or anywhere there is a mother with no control of her three young children, is on food stamps and without car, yet pregnant with a fourth. How? Why? Why do others get more babies than they can handle while some can’t have any?

Then on the news is horrendous stories of parents who commit unthinkable crimes against their children, including taking their young and innocent lives. It’s not fair, especially when there’s other homes in which the children would be deeply loved and cared for.

It’s truly meant to be an innocent question, and is asked because babies typically equals joy, nobody ever asks with malicious intent. I’ve been guilty of it myself, and I even try not to talk to people most of the time. However, being asked ‘when are you going to have kids?’ during that certain time of the month and after just learning that your single co-worker accidently got pregnant on a one-night stand, can really sting. I have learned not to ask, as it can be a very personal question that runs deeper that we could ever imagine. Play it safe and talk about the weather instead.

For those on the other side of the joyous baby announcements, I just wanted to express that I’m mindful of your hurt. I know that it doesn’t always get recognized. There’s also no words I can say to help, but don’t give up on the miracle.

As for me, I’m sure it won’t be long after the first is born, before the question becomes…’when are you going to have the second?’

Labor Pains from 'THE' Post

I don’t know what it feels like to carry a baby inside of you for nine months, but I do know the pain involved from waiting for twelve weeks to publicly announce the pregnancy on Facebook. I imagine there’s not much difference between the two. The stress involved from waiting caused me to eat a lot, even have a craving for pickles, and I gained a few pounds. There are many challenges ahead with being new parents, and among the first was making the perfect Facebook announcement at exactly the right time.

While Facebook is a blessing overall, it can also provide some hurdles. Before the days of Facebook, about 10 years ago, it was much simpler times in which to share big news with your family and closest friends. Now with Facebook, those mere acquaintances whom you hardly know have to be considered too. It’s against the unwritten book of ethics to let those closest to you, find out about life’s most monumental events on social media, so they must be alerted first before any post is made. However, if you tell them too early, the longer they must keep the secret…tell them not soon enough, and they feel rejected. It’s a difficult dilemma.

As an active Facebook user, I typically post as soon as I buy a new flavored Pop Tart (the Orange Crush ones are really good) or have any new thought pass through my head, so imagine my eagerness to tell about the pregnancy. Let’s face it, with my looks and skill-set, the major announcements I’ll ever make are severely limited. I’ve already posted about a perfect grilled cheese I made once, and I’m not ever getting married again, so all I have left is the news I’m going to be a daddy. Then at least in a few more years I can post the first day of school pictures! I was ready to post before the pee was dried off test stick, but that’s against protocol.

Apparently twelve weeks is the standard time to wait before posting about the pregnancy on Facebook. Twelve weeks??? That’s longer than some jail sentences. I certainly understand why, but that didn’t make it any easier. Plus the amount of people who knew slowly began to rise, so the pressure mounted that the privilege to make the news public on Facebook would be taken away. The opportunity to make ‘THE’ post would be lost. It wouldn’t even have to be intentional, all it would take was one brief lapse of good judgement or memory (after having one too many margaritas with dinner) for Aunt (insert name here) to innocently make a comment referring to the baby and then the guy who sat next to you in sixth grade Math class, knows before your boss at work, and the whole chain of demand is broken. I found myself censoring my posts to try and lessen the chances of such an accident, the other day I wanted to say how Rose (the dog) never lets me sleep in, even on weekends. But I was afraid someone would comment about how I better be getting used it, or something along those lines. I was really hoping that a member of my family wouldn’t ruin it, so the consequences wouldn’t be as personal. Talk about labor pains!

Thankfully there was no such incident and after the twelve week doctor appointment, and speeding home… ‘THE’ post was made, then of course the next day I realized that due to Jessica’s Facebook settings that it only went out to her ‘Friends.’ So I had to wait twelve weeks and one day! Am already counting down till the baby’s first picture is posted, am sure I’ll be told the standard amount of time to wait before doing so…nobody better do it first!

Side note: I assume that those reading this, saw ‘THE’ post, of the Mickey Mouse ears in front of the castle at Disney. It turned out great, but it’s the picture that almost wasn’t. The idea was found a few weeks prior to our California trip, after the pregnancy was confirmed. At Disney, we finally decide to stage the picture, after getting the hat (ears) and are told we have two minutes before that area of the park is going to be closed due to a parade. If we were just a little later, we wouldn’t have been able to get a picture with the castle in the background.

 

Birthdays on Facebook

Life is a series of choices, and one dilemma we have all faced, is what to do when we get a notification on Facebook that it’s the birthday of a ‘Friend.’ On the surface it may appear that it’s simple to just post a birthday greeting, but it’s actually very complex. Just like with saying, ‘I do,’ a lot of thought and consideration goes in to the pronouncement of two words…Happy Birthday.

The first decision is whether or not you want to acknowledge the person’s birthday. Facebook makes the excuse of, ‘Oh I forgot,’ almost impossible to use, as it sends constant reminders of whose birthday it is. Yes, it sounds cruel, but let’s be honest, there are ‘Friends,’ who we have been unwilling to exert the effort for to post ‘Happy Birthday.’ Am I right? Maybe it’s because they have sent about a dozen too many game requests or because they didn’t wish us a Happy Birthday. We do keep track, just like with Christmas cards, a sent to and received from list is made.

The next challenge is how much or how little to say, sometimes just ‘Happy Birthday’ doesn’t seem like enough. It’s like saying, “Hi, how are you?” You don’t really care, but it just comes out naturally. A little more in the message adds a personal touch, even if it’s the standard, ‘have a great day,’ or some variation of that. Also, do you give those closest to you, the exact same greeting as those you give the ‘Friends’ that are simply number boosters?

Personally, no matter the substance of the birthday greeting, I’m thankful for every single one I receive. It’s always nice to hear from those I expect to, and especially those who surprise me. The ‘Friends’ that I have little interaction with either on-line or in real life, but chose to acknowledge my birthday is gratifying. I applaud those who has never even had a status ‘liked’ by me, but wished me a ‘Happy Birthday.'

I also enjoy seeing the different types of birthday posts, not only to me, but to everyone. It never fails, there are always people who extends their wishes in a comment on someone else’s post. For example, Aunt Sue posts a ‘Happy Birthday’ to Fred, and then Aunt Ruth adds her birthday wishes in a comment. There’s really nothing wrong with that, it just says to me, “I don’t know how to post on your wall.” It’s not that hard. Then there’s those who are a few days or a week or two late, who seemingly have no idea.

It’s my goal to get my birthday greetings sent before the obligatory ‘thank you for the wishes’ post made by the celebrant. At that point, any wishes thereafter seem to be a little self- serving, especially those in the comments. At least care enough to make your own post and not admit that you somehow missed all the signs that it was their birthday, but want to be acknowledged for recognizing it.

Yes, birthdays were much simpler when the only dilemma used to be whether to get someone a funny or a serious birthday card.

The Unasked Question

Through my life I’ve asked a lot of questions, including ‘Will you marry me?’ and have talked to a lot of people, but there  remains a question I’ve never asked. ‘Do you want fries with that?’ doesn’t count, because it’s on a totally different level. In all seriousness, it’s a question that could forever change a life. Fear hasn’t stopped me from inquiring about, why the third hand on a watch is called the second hand? And other irrelevant questions, yet I’ve shied away from ever asking anyone to church.

I’ve been going to church for as long as I can remember, I even enjoy it, most weeks. Yet, I’ve never felt compelled to invite someone to share in it with me. Politics and religion are two taboo subjects, but I can openly bash Obama to others, but not introduce them to Christ. We, even myself, often say too much, but also not enough. When I eat at a delicious restaurant, read a captivating book, or watch an addicting TV show I spread the word so others can partake. However, when I attend a spiritually uplifting church service, I just go home and take a nap…after going out for lunch. Why? Yes, to never watch ‘Breaking Bad’ is sinful, but to know about Joseph is much more beneficial than learning about Walter White.

Religion is a sensitive topic, I feel like those who don’t go to church have their reasons. Who am I to change them? If they wanted to go, there are plenty of churches around, they don’t need me to ask. Plus, I really don’t want to be viewed as a religious freak who is all about church and stuff. Who wants to be around a person like that? I give no thought to the positive difference the invitation could bring to their life. Maybe they want to go, but just need that extra nudge and comfort of knowing they will at least know somebody there.

The sad truth is, I’m willing to bet (Gambling isn’t always sinful, the Catholics do it), that we know a lot more people who don’t go to church than who do. There’s plenty of people to ask to choose from. The current series at my church has been about how we can reach the unchurched by being the church as the hands and feet of God. Act Godly, by treating others with kindness and generosity in all aspects of life, while at work, at play, at the grocery store or wherever you are. Smiles are contagious and just a few kind words can make a big difference in someone’s heart. We may be the only representation of Christ that some people ever see.

This world is full of hate and suffering, just imagine the differences that could be made if the love of Christ was shed a little brighter. People are more familiar with the 50 Shades of Grey than the Ten Commandments. Kindness can make a huge difference. The shooter in the recent South Carolina tragedy claims that he almost didn’t do it, because everyone in the church was so nice to him. If, and granted it’s a big IF, but IF he hadn’t fired a single shot then nobody would have ever even known what almost happened. Consider this, what if you being kind to someone stops them from doing something hurtful. Smiles and kind words are free, we should all give them out more often. Doesn’t that sound like a world in which you would like to live?

I attend Christian Life Center, Little York Campus, and I extend an invitation for you to come, or to attend a church of your choice. I’m also going to try and write some occasional spiritual posts, as there really is nothing more important to talk about, even with the new season of ‘Orange is the New Black’ now on Netflix.