Finding the Perfect Name

  

The name can be everything, who wants to eat at a restaurant called the Poo Palace or live in Ding Dong, Texas? If the original plan to use ‘Mine and Yours’ as the title, instead of ‘The Brady Bunch’ it may not have reached such an iconic status. We as humans are identified by our names from birth to death, and can be the difference between public acceptance and abandonment. It’s the parent’s responsibility to present their child with a name that will serve them well.

I don’t know when the trend of coming up with more modern names started rather than the standards like; Tom, Dick and Harry or Betty, Sue, or Carol. Just like with everything else, there has to be a variety of options to choose from. I can barely decide on what flavor of potato chip to buy, not to mention name a child.

It’s important that it be a name that won’t easily be made fun of, as Woody is already enough to deal with.  That’s two strikes against Harry. An effort is also being made to not share a name with anyone else in the family. We don’t want to copy and everyone deserves their own identity, plus gossip is made easier when you don’t have to decipher which Al or Alice is being talked about. Juniors or II’s etc. are different, but we aren’t going that route. The larger the family, the harder it is to find an original name.

Maybe it’s a sign that I'm too big of a couch potato, but a number of names makes me think of television characters. Hayden brings me back to the days of ‘Coach.’ Actually Luther was my favorite from that show and is more deserving of my firstborn to be named after. Or perhaps Dauber. There’s no Dauber’s in the family. If it’s a girl, Penny or Bernadette are worthy of consideration, but I’d expect her first word to be…Bazinga! The world of television unleashes a whole host of names; Barney, Opie, Kramer (Cosmo), Chandler, Frasier, Piper, Skyler, Phoebe, Kalinda and Cersei. (How many shows did you guess?) There’s big hopes for this child, so to name it after a legend seems fitting. However the suggestions of Bert, Ernie, and Oscar just earned me a look that told me how to get somewhere, and it wasn’t Sesame Street. Maybe I should have started with Kermit.

Since television didn’t work, I turned to a U.S map for further inspiration. There’s one spot that Jessica has vacationed many times and holds a special place in her heart. Therefore, how touching would it be to name it Myrtle after Myrtle Beach. Only it makes the baby instantly sound like a senior citizen. Is there anyone under 80 named Myrtle? There’s also Anderson, which is where Jessica was living when we started dating, but Anderson Cooper is on CNN and we are a Fox News household. Greta? That might work. Reminds me of the O.J Trial though, as Greta Van Susteren got her start by covering it. Speaking of the O.J Trial. Kato is another name that comes to mind. The map ended up taking me in a direction we don’t want to go.

Finally, it struck me, the perfect name…June, after the month it all started. Only the child would be scarred when old enough to ask where her name came from.

Whether it’s a boy or a girl, I don’t know what its name will be, but it will be its very own.

 

The Other Side of Joy

For every winner…there’s a loser and for every joyous celebration… there’s a pity party. The thrill of victory is much sweeter if the sorrows of defeat have previously been experienced.  While currently relishing in the joys of my child’s upcoming birth, I’m also mindful of those whose pregnancy tests always came back negative. Though the response from everyone has been very positive, I’m certain that behind some smiles is heartache.

“So, when are you going to have kids?’ Is traditionally the first question asked of newlyweds, if they haven’t started early. I believe we were asked before we even had our first dance. Our bed wasn’t even put together yet. With each passing month the question becomes more and more frequent. By year two of marriage and still no stroller in sight the cashier at the grocery began to ask it. I don’t rush anything, it takes me an hour and a half to watch ’60 Minutes.’ Besides, getting pregnant isn’t like turning gray, it doesn’t happen automatically as soon as you say ‘I do.’ I won’t go into detail, or draw any pictures, but certain steps have to be taken. Even then, if the directions are properly followed, there’s still no guarantees.

While some women seemingly get pregnant just by having an impure thought others struggle with fertility. It can be extremely frustrating to repeatedly try to procreate and always be unsuccessful. Meanwhile, seemingly every female you ever went to school with, know from work, related to etc. is pregnant. On Facebook there’s suddenly more pregnancy announcements than recipes. Each one a reminder of a blessing being denied.

Television is not even an escape as babies are the number one tool used for breathing new life into sitcoms that are growing old. A show about the biggest geeks possible, ‘The Big Bang Theory’ even has a pregnancy in it. When watching old reruns of the ‘Golden Girls’ I kept expecting Blanche to have a big surprise.

The amount of unfit, (undeserving) or at least irresponsible, mothers also become more apparent. Everywhere you go whether it’s to a movie, restaurant, mall, or anywhere there is a mother with no control of her three young children, is on food stamps and without car, yet pregnant with a fourth. How? Why? Why do others get more babies than they can handle while some can’t have any?

Then on the news is horrendous stories of parents who commit unthinkable crimes against their children, including taking their young and innocent lives. It’s not fair, especially when there’s other homes in which the children would be deeply loved and cared for.

It’s truly meant to be an innocent question, and is asked because babies typically equals joy, nobody ever asks with malicious intent. I’ve been guilty of it myself, and I even try not to talk to people most of the time. However, being asked ‘when are you going to have kids?’ during that certain time of the month and after just learning that your single co-worker accidently got pregnant on a one-night stand, can really sting. I have learned not to ask, as it can be a very personal question that runs deeper that we could ever imagine. Play it safe and talk about the weather instead.

For those on the other side of the joyous baby announcements, I just wanted to express that I’m mindful of your hurt. I know that it doesn’t always get recognized. There’s also no words I can say to help, but don’t give up on the miracle.

As for me, I’m sure it won’t be long after the first is born, before the question becomes…’when are you going to have the second?’

Labor Pains from 'THE' Post

I don’t know what it feels like to carry a baby inside of you for nine months, but I do know the pain involved from waiting for twelve weeks to publicly announce the pregnancy on Facebook. I imagine there’s not much difference between the two. The stress involved from waiting caused me to eat a lot, even have a craving for pickles, and I gained a few pounds. There are many challenges ahead with being new parents, and among the first was making the perfect Facebook announcement at exactly the right time.

While Facebook is a blessing overall, it can also provide some hurdles. Before the days of Facebook, about 10 years ago, it was much simpler times in which to share big news with your family and closest friends. Now with Facebook, those mere acquaintances whom you hardly know have to be considered too. It’s against the unwritten book of ethics to let those closest to you, find out about life’s most monumental events on social media, so they must be alerted first before any post is made. However, if you tell them too early, the longer they must keep the secret…tell them not soon enough, and they feel rejected. It’s a difficult dilemma.

As an active Facebook user, I typically post as soon as I buy a new flavored Pop Tart (the Orange Crush ones are really good) or have any new thought pass through my head, so imagine my eagerness to tell about the pregnancy. Let’s face it, with my looks and skill-set, the major announcements I’ll ever make are severely limited. I’ve already posted about a perfect grilled cheese I made once, and I’m not ever getting married again, so all I have left is the news I’m going to be a daddy. Then at least in a few more years I can post the first day of school pictures! I was ready to post before the pee was dried off test stick, but that’s against protocol.

Apparently twelve weeks is the standard time to wait before posting about the pregnancy on Facebook. Twelve weeks??? That’s longer than some jail sentences. I certainly understand why, but that didn’t make it any easier. Plus the amount of people who knew slowly began to rise, so the pressure mounted that the privilege to make the news public on Facebook would be taken away. The opportunity to make ‘THE’ post would be lost. It wouldn’t even have to be intentional, all it would take was one brief lapse of good judgement or memory (after having one too many margaritas with dinner) for Aunt (insert name here) to innocently make a comment referring to the baby and then the guy who sat next to you in sixth grade Math class, knows before your boss at work, and the whole chain of demand is broken. I found myself censoring my posts to try and lessen the chances of such an accident, the other day I wanted to say how Rose (the dog) never lets me sleep in, even on weekends. But I was afraid someone would comment about how I better be getting used it, or something along those lines. I was really hoping that a member of my family wouldn’t ruin it, so the consequences wouldn’t be as personal. Talk about labor pains!

Thankfully there was no such incident and after the twelve week doctor appointment, and speeding home… ‘THE’ post was made, then of course the next day I realized that due to Jessica’s Facebook settings that it only went out to her ‘Friends.’ So I had to wait twelve weeks and one day! Am already counting down till the baby’s first picture is posted, am sure I’ll be told the standard amount of time to wait before doing so…nobody better do it first!

Side note: I assume that those reading this, saw ‘THE’ post, of the Mickey Mouse ears in front of the castle at Disney. It turned out great, but it’s the picture that almost wasn’t. The idea was found a few weeks prior to our California trip, after the pregnancy was confirmed. At Disney, we finally decide to stage the picture, after getting the hat (ears) and are told we have two minutes before that area of the park is going to be closed due to a parade. If we were just a little later, we wouldn’t have been able to get a picture with the castle in the background.

 

Birthdays on Facebook

Life is a series of choices, and one dilemma we have all faced, is what to do when we get a notification on Facebook that it’s the birthday of a ‘Friend.’ On the surface it may appear that it’s simple to just post a birthday greeting, but it’s actually very complex. Just like with saying, ‘I do,’ a lot of thought and consideration goes in to the pronouncement of two words…Happy Birthday.

The first decision is whether or not you want to acknowledge the person’s birthday. Facebook makes the excuse of, ‘Oh I forgot,’ almost impossible to use, as it sends constant reminders of whose birthday it is. Yes, it sounds cruel, but let’s be honest, there are ‘Friends,’ who we have been unwilling to exert the effort for to post ‘Happy Birthday.’ Am I right? Maybe it’s because they have sent about a dozen too many game requests or because they didn’t wish us a Happy Birthday. We do keep track, just like with Christmas cards, a sent to and received from list is made.

The next challenge is how much or how little to say, sometimes just ‘Happy Birthday’ doesn’t seem like enough. It’s like saying, “Hi, how are you?” You don’t really care, but it just comes out naturally. A little more in the message adds a personal touch, even if it’s the standard, ‘have a great day,’ or some variation of that. Also, do you give those closest to you, the exact same greeting as those you give the ‘Friends’ that are simply number boosters?

Personally, no matter the substance of the birthday greeting, I’m thankful for every single one I receive. It’s always nice to hear from those I expect to, and especially those who surprise me. The ‘Friends’ that I have little interaction with either on-line or in real life, but chose to acknowledge my birthday is gratifying. I applaud those who has never even had a status ‘liked’ by me, but wished me a ‘Happy Birthday.'

I also enjoy seeing the different types of birthday posts, not only to me, but to everyone. It never fails, there are always people who extends their wishes in a comment on someone else’s post. For example, Aunt Sue posts a ‘Happy Birthday’ to Fred, and then Aunt Ruth adds her birthday wishes in a comment. There’s really nothing wrong with that, it just says to me, “I don’t know how to post on your wall.” It’s not that hard. Then there’s those who are a few days or a week or two late, who seemingly have no idea.

It’s my goal to get my birthday greetings sent before the obligatory ‘thank you for the wishes’ post made by the celebrant. At that point, any wishes thereafter seem to be a little self- serving, especially those in the comments. At least care enough to make your own post and not admit that you somehow missed all the signs that it was their birthday, but want to be acknowledged for recognizing it.

Yes, birthdays were much simpler when the only dilemma used to be whether to get someone a funny or a serious birthday card.

The Unasked Question

Through my life I’ve asked a lot of questions, including ‘Will you marry me?’ and have talked to a lot of people, but there  remains a question I’ve never asked. ‘Do you want fries with that?’ doesn’t count, because it’s on a totally different level. In all seriousness, it’s a question that could forever change a life. Fear hasn’t stopped me from inquiring about, why the third hand on a watch is called the second hand? And other irrelevant questions, yet I’ve shied away from ever asking anyone to church.

I’ve been going to church for as long as I can remember, I even enjoy it, most weeks. Yet, I’ve never felt compelled to invite someone to share in it with me. Politics and religion are two taboo subjects, but I can openly bash Obama to others, but not introduce them to Christ. We, even myself, often say too much, but also not enough. When I eat at a delicious restaurant, read a captivating book, or watch an addicting TV show I spread the word so others can partake. However, when I attend a spiritually uplifting church service, I just go home and take a nap…after going out for lunch. Why? Yes, to never watch ‘Breaking Bad’ is sinful, but to know about Joseph is much more beneficial than learning about Walter White.

Religion is a sensitive topic, I feel like those who don’t go to church have their reasons. Who am I to change them? If they wanted to go, there are plenty of churches around, they don’t need me to ask. Plus, I really don’t want to be viewed as a religious freak who is all about church and stuff. Who wants to be around a person like that? I give no thought to the positive difference the invitation could bring to their life. Maybe they want to go, but just need that extra nudge and comfort of knowing they will at least know somebody there.

The sad truth is, I’m willing to bet (Gambling isn’t always sinful, the Catholics do it), that we know a lot more people who don’t go to church than who do. There’s plenty of people to ask to choose from. The current series at my church has been about how we can reach the unchurched by being the church as the hands and feet of God. Act Godly, by treating others with kindness and generosity in all aspects of life, while at work, at play, at the grocery store or wherever you are. Smiles are contagious and just a few kind words can make a big difference in someone’s heart. We may be the only representation of Christ that some people ever see.

This world is full of hate and suffering, just imagine the differences that could be made if the love of Christ was shed a little brighter. People are more familiar with the 50 Shades of Grey than the Ten Commandments. Kindness can make a huge difference. The shooter in the recent South Carolina tragedy claims that he almost didn’t do it, because everyone in the church was so nice to him. If, and granted it’s a big IF, but IF he hadn’t fired a single shot then nobody would have ever even known what almost happened. Consider this, what if you being kind to someone stops them from doing something hurtful. Smiles and kind words are free, we should all give them out more often. Doesn’t that sound like a world in which you would like to live?

I attend Christian Life Center, Little York Campus, and I extend an invitation for you to come, or to attend a church of your choice. I’m also going to try and write some occasional spiritual posts, as there really is nothing more important to talk about, even with the new season of ‘Orange is the New Black’ now on Netflix.

 

 

Sock it to me! Size Matters. Tube vs. No Shows

Marriage has taught me a lot, as apparently I’d been doing a lot of things wrong prior to taking the plunge. For example, I shouldn’t have based my tips on the amount of cleavage the waitress shows (The Hooters girls always got more than 20%) or only did dishes when the cupboards were bare. However, my worst mistakes were seemingly due to my lack of any fashion sense. I’m left to wonder how I ever dressed myself, as I failed with even the most basic of necessities. I’ll spare you the debriefing on underwear choices and instead focus on socks.

I really never knew how important socks were to an ensemble, as long as no hole was visible, all was good. So I thought. I was able to mask my deficiency of sock knowledge through the colder months, but once it became warm enough to wear shorts then my inadequacies were fully exposed. As if my ghostly white legs weren’t bad enough, my tube socks made it worse. Yes, much like my letter man coat from high school, I was forced to part with my collection of tube socks. While I miss my grandmothers daily, it’s a blessing they are departed because I’d never be able to explain why they could no longer get me tube socks for Christmas.

Apparently the truth is size does matter. The good news is, the smaller the better. You know what they say about men with big feet…small socks. Yes, socks so small, they are called ‘No Shows’ are the must haves for men to be fashionably acceptable, especially when wearing shorts. Is that a surprise to anyone but me?

In my defense, I’m not totally clueless in the field of socks. I know not to wear any size of black sock while wearing shorts. Also, it’s suggested that the tube socks not be pulled up all the way to the knee. Take my word for it, trust me, you will be laughed at. Mid-calf is also widely believed to be too high, as is even mid-ankle.

My legs aren’t very long, I’ve never been told, ‘You must be a basketball player,’ and I’ve also been advised against wearing short shorts. (That was an awkward conversation) A person need not be a fashion designer to know that if your shorts reaches your knees, then your socks are kept below knee-level. I typically kept my socks rolled down to an inch or two above the ankle, low enough that I wouldn’t look silly…Wrong! I even made sure the top stripe matched my shirt. I never want my colors to clash!

The first really warm day of the year, I broke out my shorts and rolled down my socks…red shirt, green striped socks (in the spirit of Christmas) and the wife was instantly ready to go shopping for socks. Before she’d go out to dinner with me that night, there was a quick trip to the store. I then received my first pair of ‘no show’ socks, with the warning to still not wear them with sandals or boat/deck/loafer shoes. My reaction to wearing them is similar to my feelings on G-Strings, why even bother? It’s all hanging out to see anyway.

It has been an adjustment, I feel so exposed, and my ankles have been freezing. The ankles must be the thermostat for the entire body. I suppose it’s just part of what it takes to be in style, or at least from below the ankle.

 

 

19 Kids and Kill Me

The mere thought of ever having more children than can fit in a mini-van is beyond my realm of reason, so I consider the Duggars to be certifiably insane. From the reality series ’19 Kids and Counting’ rather than ’19 Kids and Kill Me’ the Duggars have more offspring than I have friends. (At least all my friends can fit in a mini-van, or a Volkswagen) However, it’s not their fertility that I find most unique about the family, but their strict rules on courting. (Courting is dating with the intent to marry…I had to Google what the difference between dating and courting is)

Until recently I had never watched an episode of ’19 Kids and Counting,’ which airs on TLC (there’s no little people in the Duggar family…yet), but been keeping up with Jill and Jessa’s relationships and eventual weddings. I assume there really are 19 kids, I’ve only seen about half of them as the shows focus has been on the sisters who got married within the same year.

The Duggars are a wholesome, religious family with strong morals, (Did you ever know anyone named Jim Bob ‘Dad’ whose mean?) who clearly don’t believe in birth control. Also Michelle ‘Mom’ must never have headaches at night. I respect their code of ethics, but think the family could loosen up in some area. Under the direction of their parents, both Jill and Jessa were kissed for the first time at their wedding. Throughout their courtships they never kissed, not even a quick peck goodnight…on the cheek even. Makes you wonder what they did on their dates, must have actually talked the whole time and paid attention to whatever movie they watched together….BORING! I understand waiting until marriage to consummate the relationship, but to not even kiss seems a little extreme.

They not only hadn’t kissed, but also never had a full front to front hug or held hands. The thought of marrying someone who I’ve had less physical contact with than I’ve had with relatives seems foreign to me. I don’t think I could do it. When with the one you love it’s hard enough to wait until it’s time to say goodnight (or until the third date) to have that first kiss, to wait until marriage seems unnecessarily cruel. Plus, what if they are a terrible kisser or has chronic bad breath?

If the no kissing wasn’t bad enough (Yes, I’ll have an onion on my hamburger), there also had to be a chaperone on each of their dates. Someone had to make sure nothing inappropriate happened. Imagine being 22 and needing to have a parent in the backseat while at the drive-in. Never being able to have a private personal conversation with your soulmate. How can you prepare for marriage when you are never alone together? The Duggars also intercepted every text message sent between the couples. Prisoners have more freedom.

I do understand wanting to protect from the dangers of physical relations before marriage, but I think the Duggars take it to the extreme. There can be a rush to the altar, if for no other reason, than to be able to kiss. Marriage is a serious commitment, which couples need to be ready for, the real challenges start after that first kiss is had.